


Harmonic Resonances

by Tamoline



Series: Three Body Problems [3]
Category: Carrie - Stephen King
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:48:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26524723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamoline/pseuds/Tamoline
Summary: Months had passed and Carrie was still missing Sue, despite the regular phone calls. But things were changing, things always change, and rarely in the ways that you expect.
Relationships: Chris Hargensen/Carrie White, Chris Hargensen/Susan Snell, Susan Snell/Carrie White
Series: Three Body Problems [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605547
Comments: 56
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh. I've started posting this in a vague effort to kick my butt into completely the rest of this story, which is — fingers crossed — about two thirds done.

Carrie stood awkwardly in the corner of the bar, shifting from foot to foot, letting the noise of the crowd wash over her. The smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol was so thick in the air she could almost swallow it.

“You sure I can’t get you a drink?” a bearded man shouted at her, his words slurring, the scent of hops getting even stronger.

She averted her eyes and shook her head. “No thanks,” she murmured, but she doubted he could hear her over the background babble.

She jumped a little as he reached forwards and hugged her tightly. “Thank you for finding Ben,” he said into her ear. “If there’s anything — anything — I can ever do for you, you just let me know.”

It was… She hugged him back stiffly, grateful despite herself when he stepped away.

This was what she’d wanted, way back when, wasn’t it? Wanting to be known, to be appreciated. It was just that it could all get a bit overwhelming after a while, especially with so many people focussing on her, coming up and talking to her, wanting something from her that she couldn’t help feeling that she might not be up to.

It was easier when Chris was at her side, but Carrie was hardly going to tie Chris to her apron strings when there was a party to be enjoyed, free alcohol to be had…

Men to be flirted with, she couldn’t help noting sourly, seeing Chris seemingly being courted by not just one but two guys. She certainly seemed to be enjoying herself.

Not that it was any of Carrie’s business, of course.

She’d had enough for the night, she abruptly decided. This might have been a really nice day, a day when they’d managed to do some unalloyed good, but...

It could be over now, at least for her.

She made a little wave in Chris’ direction, for politeness’ sake, no matter that she probably didn’t see, probably wouldn’t have cared about the gesture one way or another even if she had, and slid out of the bar. A blast of fresh, clean air greeted her and she stood there for a moment, looking at the lights of the town, at the darkness of the night sky dotted with stars above it, the noise of the celebration muted behind her. She waited for a few minutes longer, but nothing happened, no one followed her, so she made her way back to the motel they were staying at.

Though it didn’t seem unlikely she’d be spending the night there alone. Not that it mattered.

It wasn’t as if she wanted Chris all to herself. But a little part of her, maybe. At least she’d be the one Chris would leave with in the morning.

She couldn’t help wondering what Momma would think of her now. Whether what good she’d managed to do would go some way to counteract all the sins she’d perpetrated. All the sins that she’d committed in her heart, which Momma would have said were just as grave as the ones she’d actually birthed into the world.

She… more and more, she just didn’t know what to believe, just hoped whatever was looking down on her could find some measure of grace in its heart for her.

She crouched beside the bed, laid her crosses carefully on the sheets and prayed. Prayed for herself, prayed for Chris who she was sure didn’t think she needed it, prayed for Sue who Carrie couldn’t help worrying thought that she didn’t deserve it.

Prayed for Momma, all those long miles back in Chamberlain, a wish that she was doing well and maybe, maybe had found some measure of joy in her life that had always seemed to be absent for as long as she’d had Carrie hanging around her neck.

She jumped as the motel room door clicked shut behind her. She’d been so lost in prayer that she hadn’t even noticed it open.

“I can leave again if you’d prefer. If you want some more time to… do all that in peace,” Chris said from behind her.

“No, it’s alright,” she said, quickly gathering them up, wrapping them in the towel in which she kept them and laying it carefully back in her bag. She turned around to see Chris proppedup against the wall, a smirk on her face that was slightly soft around the edges. Or maybe she was just more drunk than Carrie had thought. “I’m surprised to see you back so early.” Or at all, she couldn’t help thinking.

If any of that made it into her voice, Chris didn’t seem to notice as she shrugged and said, “Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Or if Chris had, she ignored it. Which was, if still not completely typical for them, not something that had come to be unusual in their post-Sue truce. Covering over the little things that might cause tension between them; not reacting to every little thing as if it might be a mortal insult.

And it really wasn’t Chris’ fault that Carrie was feeling… prickly tonight. Not that she was really even feeling that anymore, a warm feeling flooding her chest at the surprisingly unguarded look of care on Chris’ face. “I’m fine,” Carrie said, smiling up at her, then got to her feet. “Just got a little much for me. All the crowd and attention, you know?”

Chris pushed off the wall and sauntered closer, before hesitating and coming to a halt a few feet away. “Does it help? The praying? Do you think that your…” she waved in the air before pointing upwards. “Comes from up there?”

Carrie pressed her lips together and searched Chris’ face for any hint of mockery. The situation between them had been a lot better since the knife murders, but she couldn’t help the instinctive worry. But there seemed to be nothing there but honest curiosity. Carrie couldn’t help letting her eyes drift down a degree to focus on Chris’ lips. Her lipstick was barely smudged. Not that it meant anything, of course, but Carrie couldn’t help feeling a bit better anyway.

Not that there was a reason for her to feel that way either, and even acknowledging that much made guilt twist in her stomach. Chris was Sue’s and whoever else she chose, but not Carrie’s, not in any way. And Carrie was Sue’s in any case.

She had no right to feel anything about what Chris did, and she couldn’t let herself think otherwise.

Realising that she’d just sat there staring for far too long, she flushed, doubtless ugly and blotchy, and did her best to remember what Chris had asked her. “Talking to Him, confessing my sins, does make me feel better. And if He did create everything, then he also must have created me, and there has to be a reason for my powers. It… it helps me carry on, despite, y’know, things.” Things like how they had to continually keep on the move, keeping one eye over their shoulder just in case the government caught up with them again.

Chris scuffed the floor with one foot, looking down. “Would you mind if I joined you just this once? Just to try things out?”

Carrie stared at her, but Chris didn’t seem to be mocking her.“Sure,” she said, taking her things out again and scuttling over to make room. As Chris knelt down next to her, she couldn’t help being acutely aware that this was what Sue had used to do with her, back before she left. Back in the days when it sometimes felt like stifled anger and jealousy might rise up and crush her sometimes. Back when Chris’ presence on their eternal road trip seemed like the bane of her life.

It didn’t feel like that any more.

She knelt in front of her bed and laced her fingers together, lowering her head. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Chris follow suit. Silently, she prayed that Chris find whatever peace she sought, asking the Lord to reach out to her and, well. She was sure that the Bible — or at least her mother — would have had things to say about the way that Chris lived her life, but she wasn’t hurting anyone these days and honestly tried her best to help people, and wasn’t that more important anyway?

It seemed like it should be.

She opened her eyes a few minutes later and looked at Chris, which seemed the signal Chris had been looking for to do the same. “Did it help?” Carrie asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe?” She hesitated for a moment. “Not sure it’s my kind of thing in general, but I don’t think it hurt. This time at least.” She rolled easily to her feet and offered Carrie a hand. “Thanks, I guess.”

Carrie took her hand and pulled herself up, a strange humming energy under her skin as she did so. This had been something she’d only shared with Sue before, and she’d never been quite certain how much Sue was humouring her the times when she’d joined her. Not that she thought Sue would lie to her, but… she’d been afraid to ask, to prod further, in case she got an answer she didn’t like.

This, with Chris… well, she couldn’t pretend that it was anything other than what it was, Chris trying on faith to see if it fit, but she also couldn’t say it was anything other than completely honest.

“Thanks,” she said, a warm sticky gratitude welling up inside her. It really shouldn’t affect her as much as it did, but…

“No problem,” Chris drawled, a half smile on her lips that seemed too real for Chris’ usual studied cynicism, her eyes dark and knowing this close. Near enough that Carrie could feel the breath wash against her face, could smell the beer on it, something that shouldn’t be enticing, but…

She had the sudden impulse to tilt forwards and kiss Chris, to muss that lipstick, smear it over her face. To do the things that she’d been worried Chris would do at the bar.

She couldn’t be there any longer, she shouldn’t. Jesus would be so disappointed in her. She ducked down again, away from Chris, gathering up her crosses and holy objects and starting to stow them away. She dawdled while packing them away until she heard Chris move away, and she wasn’t sure whether or not she was disappointed by that.

She wasn’t, she told herself fiercely. She wasn’t disappointed at all.

Still, sleep took a long time to arrive that night and Sue seemed further away than ever.

* * *

“It still seems a little unreal having each day be so much like the last. Well, apart from my days off and I always seem to have more than enough to do then as well.” Sue’s voice crackles electronically, the hum of countless miles making it hard to pretend that she’s there with Carrie, even with eyes screwed shut and Carrie doing her best to send her imagination into overdrive.

These weekly calls always made her feel a little melancholy, though she’d never mention that. Certainly not to Sue.

“But you’re doing better now? Sleeping the night through?”

Sue sighed, though it sounded fond. Carrie hoped. “You don’t need to worry about me so much.”

_I really do_ , was Carrie’s first thought. _You’re half my world._ But that was a bad thought, part of why Sue had left them behind. Carrie had put so much on her that she’d needed to get away. It made Carrie worry if she had learned too well from Momma that way, making someone so much the centre of her world that they could suffocate from the weight of it, the way she’d sometimes felt about Momma.

“I’ll try not to,” she replied lamely, worrying that she was doing something bad again. It was such a balancing act, trying to avoid the pitfalls that everyone else seemed to navigate so easily. She tried to ignore the part of her that wanted to blame Chris and Sue both for the fact that she hadn’t had the chance to learn growing up.

That was all in the past, and there was no point hanging onto it, however hard it seemed to be to let go at times; however often it seemed to sneak right back into her pockets when she wasn’t looking.

“I don’t mind, really,” Sue was saying. “I might have made some friends here, but none like you or Chris.”

Friends. A new life, one separate from Carrie, one that seemed more and more permanent with every passing week. Of course it’d be so easy for Sue, who’d never had to struggle to be accepted.

But no, it wasn’t fair to think like that. Sue deserved the best, even — especially — if that was apart from Carrie.

“Do you think you’re any closer to figuring things out?” she asked anyway, because she couldn’t not.

Sue sighed, a harsh crackle over the phone, then was silent for what felt like forever. “I don’t know, Carrie, I really don’t know. I… when I was with the two of you, there just wasn’t any space to think about what _I_ needed. I’m not saying it was either of your faults, but if it wasn’t Chris sulking or snapping at you, then it was you being too quiet or yelling at her.”

A sharp pang went through her at the thought of causing Sue pain, and she covered the bottom of the phone just in case any stray snuffles made their way out. It wasn’t as though she could deny what they’d put Sue through, and she hardly needed to lay any more on Sue’s shoulders. “We’re better now,” she said quietly when she had control of her voice again.

“And I’m glad to hear that, truly I am, but…” She trailed off again. “So, how is Chris, anyway?”

Chris. That was another weighty thought that Carrie was trying to avoid. Ever since that night when Chris had joined her for prayer, it seemed even odds as to whether Carrie would flush when looking at her, or stumble over her words for no good reason. It wasn’t like there hadn’t been… moments before, but nothing like this.

Nothing that she couldn’t ignore.

She hadn’t done anything wrong, she hadn’t, but she knew, even if no one else did, that the sin of envy, of lust, had taken root in her soul, no matter how much she prayed for it to be lifted from her.

Luckily, Chris hadn’t so much as commented on her new skittishness, for which Carrie was profoundly grateful, though she didn’t know how much longer it could last. And the guilt lay heavily upon her, her constant bed companion at night.

Sue deserved to know, she decided wretchedly, despite having promised herself at least a dozen times beforehand that she would keep as far away from the topic as possible, that she didn’t need to burden Sue with this… nonsense running through her head. But she did. She really, really did.

“I almost kissed Chris a few days ago,” she admitted miserably.

“Oh,” Sue said. Carrie couldn’t see her, couldn’t feel her to see how she was reacting, but her stomach lurched in the following pause, fearing the worst. “That’s…” Sue finally said. “I thought something might be wrong, but I didn’t think… You and Chris are free to do what you want, of course.” She didn’t really sound like she meant it though.

“I didn’t actually do anything. And Chris… I don’t think she’s interested in me like that. It’s just… I’d have felt bad if I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry if I hurt you, or I did something wrong. I didn’t mean to!” Carrie heard the pitch of her voice rise almost like it was happening to someone else as the gnawing inside her stomach spread to her chest; a fluttering panicking thing.

Sue’s tone switched immediately to something rhythmic and calming. “Of course you didn’t do anything wrong, Carrie. Listen to me, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Gulping a bit, Carrie let Sue’s voice soothe her. “Thank you, Sue. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put that on you,” she tried, even as she wasn’t sure how convincing she was. As convincing as she felt she should be. After all, wasn’t having this kind of load put on her why she had left in the first place?

“It’s… I know this is difficult for you, Carrie. And I’m glad you told me. Even if nothing happened, not yet at least. It’s… I’m glad you’re getting on with her.”

But despite Sue’s words, she rang off quickly after that, letting the quarters Carrie had fed into the payphone clatter into the receptacle, leaving Carrie to wonder if she’d pick up next week at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Chris was bouncing a ping pong ball off the walls of the motel room when Carrie got back, cursing as she missed catching a double-ricochet. She shrugged and grabbed another one from the packet, letting the click-click-click of the abandoned ball subside until it joined the others littering the floor.

“Going well?” Carrie asked quietly.

Chris paused just as she was about to throw her new ball, looking over at Carrie. “Better than it is for you, by the looks of things. What’s up?”

Carrie shrunk in on herself, all the emotions that she’d hoped she’d walked out of her on the way back returning with a vengeance. She shook her head. “Nothing.”

Chris looked at her for a moment longer before shrugging and tossing the ping-pong ball at the wall again. “Suit yourself,” she said, not as though she didn’t care, but more like she was giving Carrie her space.

Which was what she wanted, wasn’t it? She sank onto her bed.

Click-click.

Click-click.

Click-click-click.

“I upset Sue,” Carrie finally said. “I… I said something I shouldn’t have, and now…” She couldn’t finish the sentence.

Chris sighed, came over and sat herself next to Carrie, not quite touching her but still close enough that Carrie could feel her presence even without looking. Briefly it was comforting, before Carrie’s stomach curdled, the feeling just one further betrayal of Sue, and she rolled away from Chris.

“It’s probably not as bad as you’re thinking,” Chris said. “I know you don’t have much experience with the whole high school friendship, but trust me, the amount of vicious fights I’ve had with friends which we then got over by the next day... It happens and Sue, Sue cares about you. She was probably just having a bad day, nothing to do with you.”

“You don’t understand.” This — it wasn’t Sue having a bad day. It was all Carrie’s fault, her being unable to control the sin raging within her body.

“You could fix that,” Chris said seemingly nonchalantly. “You know, get a second opinion on whatever happened.”

She couldn’t though. She really, really couldn’t even begin to. She worried at her lip until the bed rocked as Chris got up.

“Fine then. I’ll just let you get to it, shall I?”

Carrie peeked out at Chris as she stalked towards the door. She’d sounded almost… hurt? But surely that couldn’t be the case. Sure, they were amicable these days — Carrie even considered her a friend — but the thought that she could cause Chris pain…

And it wasn’t like she didn’t deserve to know anyway, Carrie guessed.

“I… I may have mentioned that I almost kissed someone.”

Chris froze. Carrie couldn’t see her face, but she had to know who Carrie was talking about.

She had to.

By the time Chris turned around,the only thing on her face was an amused smirk. Carrie couldn’t tell if there was anything going on underneath and stifled the urge to find out. She… Chris would let her know if she wanted her to know.

“I’d honestly think that Sue would be the last one to complain about that.” Chris turned the smirk up a tick, to the point of obnoxiousness. “Just saying.”

Carrie flushed, looking away from Chris. It wasn’t fair that the expression managed to make her look even more attractive. And… “It’s not the same. It’s me, not… not…”

“Not me?” This time Chris’ voice had a distinct edge to it. “Not a slut who’ll kiss anyone for any reason. Not even a mortal like poor, confused Sue. No, a saint like St Carrie, who could never do anything wrong, who shouldn’t even feel anything the bible might consider wrong?”

Carrie couldn’t do anything right. She curled up tight in on herself, trying her best to block the rest of the world away, doing her best to quiet the sobs that forced themselves from her throat. It… She had thought it was bad when she and Chris had used to tear strips off each other, fighting over Sue. It had been even worse before, when Carrie was just a bug Chris occasionally took time out of her day to squash.

But now, when she actually cared about what Chris thought, when Chris was the closest thing to a friend she had around day to day, Chris’ words seared.

It took a moment for her to notice that Chris had sat back down next to her, had laid a hand gingerly on her back. “Sorry,” she said quietly, devoid of fire. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”

Maybe it was still the relatively new experience of hearing Chris apologise, maybe it was that she’d been missing the steady diet of human contact and hugs that Sue had managed to addict her to., maybe it was just that she needed someone and Chris was there, but Carrie uncurled and wrapped herself around Chris.

Chris tensed briefly before relaxing, seemingly through sheer force of will and very awkwardly wrapped one arm around Carrie’s torso. “It’s going to be fine, you know,” she said, an odd note of resignation in her voice. “These are the kind of arguments that just happen, even without the distance between the two of you. Just wait, let the both of you calm down. You’ll talk it out, I’m sure of it.”

Carrie guessed that made sense. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t seen those kind of arguments between other girls at school, and like as not they’d still be friends after a few days had passed. But it felt different, apocalyptic, when it happened to her.

Maybe she should just follow Chris’ advice, wake a breath, and try to be better next time she called. Do her best to reassure Sue that Carrie’s feelings about her hadn’t changed, despite moments and urges.

But as the storm of tears subsided she found herself drained of emotion, numb. Peaceful, really.

“Do you mind if I stay like this for a bit?” she mumbled into Chris’ t-shirt. “Just for a while?”

“Sure,” Chris said sarcastically. “Just use me as a pillow. I don’t mind.” But there was something about her voice that maybe hinted she didn’t mind that much, maybe.

Which was just as well, because the next thing that Carrie did was fall asleep.

When she woke up, she was still wrapped up around Chris, who was still sitting up, head slumped uncomfortably forwards, snoring gently.

She should probably wake Chris up, but she couldn’t bear to face that just yet. Couldn’t bear to disrupt this fragile peace between them, nor lose this contact. But she couldn’t leave Chris like that, either, so in the end she gently stretched Chris out in the narrow motel bed then climbed in beside her, pressing herself to Chris’ body just like she had Sue’s, before she left.

Whatever weirdness Carrie might have worried about didn’t materialise the next morning. Instead Carrie was woken up by Chris gently shaking her, one side of her mouth twitched up in a smirk. “If you wanted to share a bed with me, all you had to do is ask,” she said, voice gravelly from sleep, then wandered off in the direction of the shower as Carrie groaned and buried her face in the pillow to try and hide the blushing.

Carrie possibly stayed a little longer than necessary when it was her turn in the shower because… because… she wasn’t quite sure why. A mix of tangled delight and nervousness had taken root in her stomach and she just needed some extra time to herself to deal with it all. When she finally emerged, Chris was sitting on the edge of her bed, tensely throwing a ping pong ball against the wall and catching it again.

“Hey,” she said, throwing the ball at Carrie’s head, fast.

Carrie effortlessly blocked it with her mind, before throwing it back at Chris, just like they’d practiced. “Morning,” she said. “Again.”

“I had a talk with Sue this morning. Managed to catch her before she went off to work.” Chris offered a wry smile that almost looked real. “Don’t worry, she isn’t pissed at you any more.”

There was a slight emphasis on the you, which might explain Chris’ mood, so Carrie sat down next to her and offered her a hand, so in case Chris felt like taking it. “She pissed at you instead? Why?”

It wasn’t as though Chris had done anything wrong after all.

Chris rolled her eyes. “Apparently I’ve been seducing you. Corrupting your innocence. Something like that. I didn’t really pay that much after the yelling started.” Despite her casual tone, Carrie caught her sneaking glances at Carrie’s hand. Not in a hostile way, so Carrie kept it there, but she could still feel the beginnings of a blush starting to form.

_It doesn’t have to mean anything_ , she kept on telling herself. _It’s just something nice, like I might appreciate. Like she did for me yesterday._

“I’ll try and talk with her again this evening, let her know it was nothing you did,” Carrie offered.

A real smile flickered over Chris’ face. “You don’t need to do that. I doubt you’ll change her mind about me anyway.”

_Oh, Chris._ Carrie made a quick gamble and grabbed for Chris’ hand. Thankfully, Chris seemed to take it as she meant it and didn’t pull away, just let Carrie lace their fingers together. “It’s not a problem, honestly. Besides,’ she added playfully. “She must have been away from us too long if she thinks that you’d be interested in me.” Between Sue and generally having the pick of any town they happened to be passing by, the thought that Chris’d spend any effort on Carrie was laughable in its absurdity.

Chris went quiet at that, looking at Carrie searchingly until she could feel her ears start to burn again. She must look a sight, with her curls still all bedraggled from the shower, not all even all made up like Chris and Sue liked to be. Then Chris gave her another slight smile and squeezed her hand. “Thanks,” she said before turning away and started getting ready to leave, picking up as many ping pong balls as she could find.

Carrie was left staring after her, feeling like she’d missed something, her hand feeling empty after Chris had abandoned it.

Halfway through the day, as Carrie was staring emptily at the passing fields, practically in a hypnotic trance, letting the music from the crackling radio wash over her, Chris said, “You’re wrong you know.”

Carrie blinked at her, rudely returned to the present. “Huh? What about?”

Chris aimed a wicked grin in her direction. “You’re totally worth seducing.”

Carrie instantly felt her face go crimson and looked back outside, unable to look at Chris any further. “Stop,” she said weakly.

Sensing weakness, Chris’ voice sharpened in a way that was half familiar to Carrie from high school, but far more friendly. “Oh, are you saying that you don’t **want** me to say how attractive you are? How hot it would be to run my fingers through your hair, tugging just a little as I nip at your neck with my teeth? How much I’d like to eat—”

Carrie groaned loudly, covering her ears with her hands, and Chris stopped, laughing brightly into the afternoon air. Carrie couldn’t help grinning broadly with how ridiculous Chris was being. It… The idea of her being an object of desire didn’t quite fit in her mind, certainly not for someone like Chris, but… She appreciated Chris doing it regardless, and every time for the rest of the afternoon that Chris decided to compliment her, whether in her normal voice or in a fake British voice or even in a purr, she couldn’t help smiling and blushing, caught between wanting it to stop and wanting it to never end, feeling a warm flame grow within her that she couldn’t quite name.

Still, the good mood lasted until it had gotten late enough that they’d decided to find a motel and all the way up to the point where Carrie was faced with the payphone. It wasn’t as though she was worried about Sue yelling at her and saying that she never wanted to hear from Carrie again — much — but…

She’d never been in this position before, standing between two other people and trying to make things better. Sue and Chris had, of course, and often managed to make it look easy, but what if she messed everything up and just made things worse?

And, also, what if Chris was wrong, and Sue was still mad at her?

Still, it had to be done, and a dress that had yet to be stitched would never be finished. She took a deep breath, picked up the handset, fed some coins in and punched in Sue’s number.

“Hello?” Sue didn’t sound mad, but then she didn’t know that it was Carrie calling yet.

“Hey, Sue, it’s Carrie.” The moment of truth. Carrie’s stomach knotted.

“Oh, Carrie.” Her voice oozed relief and Carrie went rubbery at the reprieve, almost slumping against the wall. “I’m so glad that you called. I felt so bad about how we left things. Especially after Chris rang me up and gave me an earful this morning.”

Chris had given Sue an earful? Over Carrie, of all things? Again, that warmth. “She… I didn’t ask her to do that.”

“I probably needed it. Deserved it, if I made you cry.”

“That wasn’t you. I was just worried that I’d upset you.” Failed her, by not being able to control herself.

“I know and I’m sorry that I let you believe that. It’s just so hard, knowing what’s happening with the two of you without being there.”

“Yeah,” Carrie agreed, then fell silent, not sure what she could say without treading into the territory of ‘do you know when you’ll want to join us again.’ She twined her finger in the cord, pulling it tight until the skin was flushed in the gaps, white under the plastic.

“If you ever want to visit, maybe even stay a while, I’d love to have you,” Sue said a little wistfully. “Maybe in a month or two?”

And that… Well, it wasn’t as though they could stay there long, but it was miles better than nothing. “That sounds really nice. I think I’d really like to do that.”

“Good,” Sue said definitively. “It’s a date.” She laughed a little awkwardly. “Not… I understand if you’re with Chris now.”

Oh, right. Chris. The reason she had made this phone call in the first place. She thumped her leg hard enough to sting for forgetting that. “I heard you and Chris had words this morning,” she ventured cautiously.

“You could say that,” Sue said, a note in her voice that Carrie couldn’t identify. “She had quite the go at me. Apparently you’ve got quite the defender.” There it was again, stronger.

“Apparently you accused her of seducing me?” Carrie couldn’t help the words curling up at the end, painfully aware again of how ridiculous the very concept was.

“I…” Sue made a frustrated noise. “You didn’t see how we were, in the early days, back in Chamberlain. How convincing she can be, even when you know... know it’s a bad idea. I just want to make sure that nothing like that is happening to you.”

Carrie tried to imagine Chris putting that much effort into getting with her and her mind balked, regardless of the fun Chris had had at her expense during the day. Imagined Chris pushing her up against a wall like she’d seen her do to Sue on occasion, and flushed hard, grateful that Sue couldn’t see her. Unable to deny to herself, at least, that she wouldn’t exactly be opposed to such a situation. “There’s been nothing like that,” she said somewhat roughly. “It’s just me, just my urges.” Just her sin. “Chris hasn’t so much as moved a finger in my direction.” Chris wouldn’t, not for Carrie.

Maybe something of that showed in her voice, because Sue sighed deeply. “Oh, Carrie. You’re worth much more than you think you are, you know? And, well, I might not know exactly what’s going on in her head, but I haven’t seen Chris come out swinging for someone like she did this morning in, well, ever.”

Carrie swallowed, because it kind of sounded like Sue was saying goodbye to her again, and she didn’t want that, didn’t ever want that, would take as much of Sue as she was allowed. “I miss you,” she said, not quite managing the other word, not when it felt like there was such a distance between them. “I’ll always miss you.”

“I’ll always miss you too,” Sue said, sounding like she had a smile on her face, but perhaps not an entirely happy one.

Her tone made Carrie brave enough to ask, “Can you please make nice with Chris? She was only looking out for me, after I made myself so upset last night, and I don’t want any bad blood between the two of you on my account.” Chris had definitely been upset earlier, for all that she wouldn’t thank Carrie from telling Sue that, or even just thinking it.

“Of course. Can you give her my apologies? I… I seem to be saying a few things these days that I regret.”

Carrie could sympathise. When she thought back to the first few months after Chamberlain, when it often felt like they were three rats caught in a too small trap together, she often winced when she thought how she’d treated Chris, how resentful she’d often been of her. “Of course. See you in a few months then?”

“See you then.” Sue sounded somewhat happier at that prospect at least.

Carrie hung up and went to find Chris who was… currently in the diner, apparently. She’d sweet-talked the owner into letting her do dishes for a free meal, and Carrie joined her in the back, taking over the drying and stacking.

“How did things go?” Chris asked when they were alone for a moment.

“Fine. She sends her apologies for going off at you this morning.”

“Huh.” Chris contemplated that. “She’s admitting fault? And that she may have misjudged me? How novel.”

“Hey.” Carrie nudged her side with an elbow before putting another stack of dirty dishes next to her. “I think Sue likes you more than you seem to think sometimes.”

“Maybe.” Chris sounded dubious. She eyed Carrie assessingly. “So, how did it really go?”

“She’s… she wants us to visit, in maybe a couple of months.” Carrie busied herself scraping the remains of meals into the rubbish.

“But no mention of when or if she wants to join us again.” Chris didn’t sounds surprised.

“I didn’t want to bother her again after I asked yesterday.”

“Maybe you should start thinking about what happens if she doesn’t want to join back up again. I’m not sure that Little Miss Homemaker was ever intended for a life on the road.”

“Maybe,” Carrie said. But she couldn’t give up on Sue like that just yet. She couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a brief note - my posting schedule might get a little erratic. I was hoping to be able to finish the first draft before FemslashEx assignments were posted, but I didn't end up having the energy, sorry. It's still mostly done and I am going to finish it, but it might take a little longer. Sorry!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long gap in posting. I've been extremely low energy and it's been really hard to write anything, and there was something in a much later chapter I wanted to get done before I posted this next part, just in case.

“Hey,” said the darker haired boy of the two that had joined them at their table for the evening. “You’ve been awfully quiet. Lauren, wasn’t it?”

Carrie resisted the urge to blush and retreat into wide eyed silence as he looked at her. He wasn’t bad looking, smartly dressed, maybe a few years older. No one like that had ever talked to her back in high school. Still didn’t tend to, not when there was Chris around, not when Sue had been around either. Not unless there was a reason to, like they were on a case.

“Yes,” she said, smiling back up at him, trying to think about what Chris or Sue might say in her place. Decided to go for the kind of blunt honesty Chris sometimes used to effect. “I’m surprised you remembered, with Zoe taking the lead. Most don’t.”

He laughed. “I think you’d be surprised. Maybe they were just a little intimidated by your confidence.” He shared a smile with his friend, a private joke that she wasn’t privy to.

Confidence, her? But he didn’t seem to be having fun at her expense, not exactly anyway. But maybe she wasn’t making herself be small like she used to. And, well, it had been a few weeks of Chris not entirely sincerely flirting with her, but she couldn’t deny that there had been more and more moments of feeling attractive. Maybe he’d picked on up that, somehow.

Chris squeezed her hand beneath the table briefly, a hidden gesture of support, before sniffing loudly. “Don’t pay attention to her. I’ve been trying for weeks to get her to loosen up, since she’s been foisted on me for this road trip. ‘Zoe, be nice to your cousin. Take her with you, maybe she’ll help keep you out of trouble,’” she added in a high nasal voice. She rolled her eyes. “She’s been such a killjoy.”

Carrie didn’t have to act much to look hurt. She knew that Chris didn’t mean it, not really, but it still smacked of all the taunts she’d had to suffer, people assuming she was a prig because of her mother, because she was no fun because all the other girls shut her out. She had no problems turning to… Darren, he’d introduced himself as. “She’s just saying that because she doesn’t have you dancing court on her as well. I’m not sure if she knows how to handle not being the centre of attention.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Chris give her an impressed little look which salved some of the sting before replying with a snooty little rejoinder. And so it went until Chris had managed to manoeuvre both sides — her and her prospective beau, Shane versus Carrie and Darren — into a pool match for the girls’ honour. It was a semi familiar hustle that Chris had used on their journeys to help get some easy cash, but usually Chris had taken sole spotlight, leaving Carrie to just quietly observe. She wasn’t sure that she liked this divide between them, pretend or no.

“I’ll bet you twenty-five dollars that we can beat your sorry asses,” Shane smirked, rewarded with a kiss by Chris. Darren good naturally matched him, and the game was on. If it had been a year ago, Carrie would have been doubtless dazzled by Darren’s moves as he bent over her, helped guide her first few shots. By this point, though, she’d seen far too many guys try pretty much exactly the same thing on Chris, and they just didn’t have the same appeal, for all that he was a not bad looking guy fitting his body to hers.

There was one problem though. By this point, she knew the rhythm for how Chris would hustle prospective marks, but given the murky sides this time…

She touched Chris’ mind, _Who do you want to win this time?_

She felt the wheels whirr within Chris’ mind as she gauged the two sides. _You, I think. I’m sure I can play a whining bitchy loser. Sorry if I upset you earlier, by the way. You know I didn’t mean any of it._

 _I know,_ Carrie thought, and it helped a bit, it did. She slipped out of Chris’ mind just as Chris glanced at her quickly, but if she was thinking anything, Carrie couldn’t tell.

It turned out that Carrie hardly had to anything at all this round. Shane and Darren seemed pretty evenly matched, and Chris managed to make the difference with a few rather appalling shots.

“Are you really going to let them get away with that?” Chris asked when they lost, somehow managing to make the whining note still sound attractive. “Bet fifty dollars, so you can make your money back and then some,” she added when he hesitated. “I don’t want to make out with a loser.”

While that drama was playing out, Darren turned towards Carrie. “Prize for the victor?” he asked, a slightly cocky smile on his lips and, well, it wasn’t unattractive, even if she was sure that Momma would be screeching ‘Sin’ if she could see her now.

Maybe that made it a little bit more attractive after these months removed.

It was a fairly chaste kiss, all in all, certainly compared to the kind that Chris seemed to delight in. And it wasn’t bad, even if it couldn’t compare at all to the ones she’d shared with Sue.

Darren didn’t hesitate at all to put the money he’d won in the first game as well as his original stake up against the fifty dollars grudgingly placed by Shane.

The second game was when Carrie actually started to get into the swing of things. Chris had previously persuaded her to play some games with her, both to help sharpen Chris’ skills for hustling and also to help give her practice at telekinetically cheating, but she’d spent so much time trying not to embarrass herself that they hadn’t really been enjoyable. This time, though, she could just concentrate on doing her best — with mixed results at best, granted — and give a little jump every time she managed to sink a ball.

Darren and Shane did about the same until Shane hit a winning streak later in the game, which Carrie had to stop, a little guiltily. Shane almost threw the cue with frustration when his ball bounced bad, his blandly handsome features going red with anger. A flicker of something went over Chris’ face before she moved to calm him down.

With that, Carrie and Darren managed to win the second game, and Darren smugly pocketed his prize before turning expectantly to Carrie again. This time, he tried to slip her some tongue, but she ignored the suggestion, not wanting to go that far.

“No, no, no!” Chris practically screeched. “I refuse to leave it like that. C’mon, Shane, let’s do another game. We can beat them this time!” This time the whine was more pronounced and far less attractive.

“I’m seventy five dollars down. No way am I going to lose anything more just because you can’t sink a ball to save your life.”

Chris chewed her lip angrily before fetching her purse and slamming down two hundred dollar bills on the table. “Fine! If you’re not man enough to play to win, I guess I’ll have to be.”

Darren looked down at the money on the pool table and hesitated, drumming his fingers against the table. “I dunno,” he said, looking at Carrie. “I can take you for a pretty nice meal tomorrow on what I’ve won already.”

Carrie briefly panicked. This kind of thing really wasn’t her. She tried to think what Chris might do, before her mind wandered back to a time she’d watched Sue and Tommy, the golden couple of her year, back when she’d been a mostly mute outsider. She widened her eyes in a way that she hoped imitated Sue when she’d been clearly trying to persuade Tommy into doing something for her. “Couldn’t you take Zoe’s money, just for me? She’s been such a pain all this trip, and it might really take the wind out of her sails.”

To her relief, Darren softened, turning around and pretty much emptying his wallet to match Chris’ bet. Carrie knew that she should feel guiltier about this, but there was also a part of her that danced with shameful delight at being able to exert power like this, something she’d never even dreamed that she’d be able to do.

This time, Shane was clearly less than interested in his game, slacking off even as Chris picked hers up. At around the midway point, when the score was still clearly far too close for Darren’s comfort, the boys went off to the bar together to get another round of drinks and when they returned, Shane barely pretended to be trying to hit anything. The clear attempt at a fix made Carrie feel a bit less guilty about giving Darren a truly appalling run of luck, all the while still trying her best. She smirked as Chris scowled when she managed to sink two balls in a row without cheating at all, evening the score between them.

It wouldn’t do for Chris to get too complacent, after all.

Chris did manage to take the game, even if it probably was a little too close for her comfort, and pocketed the money in triumph. “See what we could have done if you’d just applied yourself,” she sniped at Shane before grabbing Carrie’s hand and towing her off in the direction of the washrooms, nose held high in triumph. Her attitude changed in an instant as the door shut behind them and she whirled towards Carrie, looking at her intently, as though she wanted to consume her.

“You. Were. Magnificent!” she practically growled, pressing Carrie up against the nearest cubicle, so close that Carrie could hardly breathe. “Please Mr Local Boy With More Money Than Sense, please wager your money in this obvious trap!” She darted in, pressing a kiss against Carrie’s lips that made her head spin, pulling away again before Carrie could react.

The difference between this kiss and the ones she’d gotten from Darren was the difference between night and day. She’d wondered if it was just that he wasn’t Sue, that anyone would be found lacking against her, but no. Even though just making the comparison between anyone and Sue made her feel guilty.

Maybe it was that she cared about Chris as well?

She came out of her head to realise that Chris was giving a somewhat awkward apology. She smiled, partly because wow, she hadn’t realised how much she’d missed being kissed by someone she really liked, partly because wow, Chris beautiful queen bitch of Chamberlain had kissed her, Carietta White. And partly because wow, Chris was really cute when she was off her game like that. “Hey,” she said. “I don’t mind, really. I thought Sue told you that.”

“Having an impulse to kiss someone is very different to being kissed by them out of the blue. And you could have said that before I made a fool of myself like that,” she added waspishly.

Carrie pretended to consider for a moment, feeling more impish than she could remember. “No,” she said finally. “I don’t think I could.”

Chris actually growled for a moment before breaking out in a smile herself. “I really have taught you all the wrong lessons, haven’t I?” she said, reaching forward and brushing the hair back from Carrie’s face.

This time it was Carrie’s turn to push forwards and kiss Chris gently on the lips. It didn’t have the same fire as before, didn’t have the same softness as the ones she’d shared with Sue, but it had a promise of more. “Unless that was supposed to be a one time thing?” she asked worriedly as she drew back.

“No, I definitely think this is something we could explore thoroughly… later. For the moment, we have two boys who’ve lost a lot of cash between them who we have to let down gently.”

Carrie sighed, but nodded resolutely and headed back out with Chris.

The rest of the night was… alright. It was Shane’s turn to whine at Chis, trying to get her to share her winnings with him, meeting little success as she made cutting comments about how well he didn’t do in the winning game. Darren took a different tack, positioning himself as Carrie’s knight, and when she wasn’t more eager to make out with him, made little comments about how much that last game had cost him, the one that she’d persuaded him to play, until she agreed to kiss him.

It wasn’t awful, but any potential magic that might have been there was dead, killed even before the comparison to Chris.

Later, as they walked back to the motel room, Chris having fairly decisively having gotten rid of the boys, Chris exulted. “We have to try this again sometime,” she said. “We managed to hustle them, and we didn’t even have to put up any of our own money up to do it. Two hundred bucks and we didn’t have to spend a cent!”

Carrie huddled in on herself, her stomach twisting uncomfortably. “Can we not?” she asked, a little pleadingly. “I don’t mind helping you win money from guys, but I don’t like having to flirt and kiss people I don’t actually like.”

Chris looked at her sharply and for a moment the breath caught within Carrie’s throat, fearing that the next words out of Chris’ mouth would be about how Carrie was still just that church girl who thought she was so much better than everyone else. But instead she softened. “Of course,” she said. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Carrie relaxed against her, taking her arm, feeling her warmth. And maybe made a few cautious plans to explore kissing with Chris more once they’d gotten back to the hotel, washing the taste of anyone else out of her mouth.


	4. Chapter 4

Some days were good, when they managed to save someone or see justice done. Most were neither good nor bad, just existence out on the road or when whatever snippet they’d gotten, either from studying the papers, rumours garnered when passing through or the clipping service Sue used as and when she had the spare cash, just didn’t pan out.

Some days weren’t so good, though, such as when Carrie knew what had happened, but nobody wanted to listen. Like when a girl had turned up dead, but the Sheriff had no interest in finding out that the culprit was actually a young man of prospects, not when he had a fine patsy already, seemingly the first man of colour he could lay his hands on.

Why would he bother stirring trouble up when he had a nice answer that would calm everything down, Chris cynically said after they’d come back from a meeting with him.

Carrie and Sue had no way of making him arrest the right man, didn’t have any bright ideas about how to expose the real culprit to the town in a cunning scheme that would make all and sundry see the error of their ways, like they might have done in the flicks.

But just walk away?

As Chris would say, fuck that.

They’d already paid a visit to the murderer last night, and Carrie had spoken threats into his mind while lifting him bodily with her power. Had hopefully put the fear of the Lord into him, for whatever good that would do.

And tonight, here they were outside where Tremayne was being held.

 _Okay_ , she spoke into his mind. _Get ready. We’re about to do this._

She could feel the uncertainty and fear in his mind. She’d tried her best to reassure him, but, well.

She pulled at the wall around the window with her mind, felt the concrete start to crumble, the iron reinforcing it complain loudly. Then, with a loud crack, there was a hole where a wall had been. Also shouts of alarm, lights, the sounds of men approaching.

Time to not be here, quickly.

She grabbed Tremayne with her mind and flew him through the air to their car.

He looked almost grey with shock — or maybe that was the concrete dust, at least in part — as Chris ushered him into the back seat, hid him beneath a blanket. Then Carrie pushed the car, rolling it along the road until they were far enough away that no one should hear the engine starting.

“So, we’re taking you to your cousin in the next state over?” Chris asked, once they were on their way.

Tremayne, silent until now, replied with a muffled “Yes.” Then, “I thought I was going out of my mind. I still can’t believe you did that.”

“Impossible things a specialty,” Chris said dryly. “We’ve got some water and sandwiches up here, if you want them.”

“Water, please. Still got some dust in my throat.”

She passed him back a half-full bottle, took it back after he’d emptied it. “No offence,” he said tentatively. “But why are you doing this?”

“Maybe we don’t like seeing people locked up for what they didn’t do,” Chris said.

“Maybe we know what it’s like, being on the run from the law for something that’s not your fault,” Carrie added, ignoring Chris’ glare. Maybe it’d help him to learn that he wasn’t alone in this, not in this car. They couldn’t clear his name, but they could at least give him that.

There was a pregnant pause where she could almost feel him thinking about whether he wanted to ask more on that, but he didn’t, so she kept quiet. Maybe Chris was right, and there were some things that people were just happier off not knowing, even if they did have the right. Instead, after a while, the sound of gentle snores came from beneath the blanket as first Carrie then Chris drove through the night.

It was just after dawn when they dropped Tremayne off at his cousin’s, wished him luck then were on their way. There was still a mournful emptiness within Carrie at the resolution that didn’t go away as they drove through the day, that followed her into the motel room they rented that night.

They might have scared a murderer, roughed him up a bit, and freed the unjustly accused, but Tremayne’s life had still been ruined, and the culprit was still walking free.

“Can we just stay in tonight?” she asked quietly as Chris got ready to go out. They still had a hunk of beef in a cool box, the remnants of a loaf of bread. They could survive on that for the evening.

Chris looked at her, obviously saw something of her mood in her face and nodded, sitting down on the bed next to her. “Sure.”

At some point, they began making out, starting off slow and melancholic and then, as Carrie buried herself in Chris’ mouth, trying to block out everything else, more vigorous, more engaged. She ran her blunt nails down Chris’ back, hissed as Chris returned the favour as she’d hoped. Ran one hand down Chris’ flat stomach, feeling it tense and shudder beneath her touch, felt the sweet ache within her grow and _wanted_ , desperately, in a way that she hadn’t been willing to accept up until now, weeks after they’d first started kissing.

Up until this crapsack of a day she just wanted to forget.

She drew back a second. “Can I?” she asked, flicking her eyes downwards.

For a moment she thought Chris was going to question her, so she moved her hand up, brushed against her dirty pillows and Chris’ breath caught in her throat. “Fuck, yes,” she gasped.

Chris was so, so damp down there, just like Carrie was, twitched her hips towards Carrie as she ran her fingers lightly down her seam. Got impatient as Carrie dawdled, trying to remember what Sue had done to her on that night months ago.

“Do you even know what to do?” Chris asked grumpily after a few minutes.

Carrie looked away, the prospect of admitting her ignorance feeling like it was coming far too close to shattering her mood, like saying that would let the awareness of how ridiculous she must look come crashing in.

“Fuck,” Chris said apologetically. “Sorry. Here, let me give you some hints.”

And from there… it wasn’t easy, it didn’t come to her naturally, like she imagined that it came to Chris or Sue, but… eventually, she managed to get the rhythm regular enough that Chris’s breath started catching and she could feel her start to tense around her, even as her hand ached from the unfamiliar exercise, even through the rush of being the one to do this to her.

And it was something. It was really, really something, seeing Chris stretched beneath her like that, eyes blown dark, a smile that seemed maybe a touch more fond than usual, definitely a bit more ragged.

“My turn?” Chris asked, reaching up, gently stroking the tip of her dirty pillow and oh, oh, oh.

“Please,” Carrie breathed, aware that she was whining but not really caring.

Chris pushed her over and smirked. “I have to say there’s something I’ve been wanting to try for a while.” She parted Carrie’s legs, dipping her face between them and waggled her eyebrows.

Carrie wasn’t sure that giggling was the correct response, but she couldn’t help it, then gasped as Chris pressed her tongue to the wetness there that already felt like it was practically dripping.

 _No wonder Sue always made those kind of noises_ , was her last coherent thought for some time.

Afterwards, after Chris had wrung pleasure out her just as intense as Sue had, Carrie started to feel hollow again. She couldn’t help thinking about the time it had happened before, how it had all gone wrong afterwards with Sue, how it had already been wrong, but she’d just been too blind to see it. How Tremayne had still had his life wrecked, how there was another place they could never return to, how the DSI was doubtless still on their trail.

Before she knew it, tears were dripping down her face and Chris was looking at her with an unsure expression on her face.

“It wasn’t that bad, was it?” she tried.

Carrie reached forwards almost blindly, wrapping her arms around Chris and buried her face in her neck. Chris was warm, she was there and, oh, Carrie didn’t love her, she couldn’t love her, it didn’t feel the same as it did for Sue, but at this moment she cared about Chris so much it almost hurt.

“Thank you,” she said and then, drawing back so she could look Chris in the face. “Do you think you could stay here, just for tonight.”

For a moment, Chris looked shocked, almost open, before she assembled her usual detached mask. “Sure,” she said, squeezing Carrie back. “I can do that.”


	5. Chapter 5

Carrie snuck a look at Chris as they passed the Braintree city limits, wondering what she was feeling as they got closer and closer to Sue. For herself, there was a bubbling anticipation in her stomach, mixed with nervousness.

How would Sue be? How would she react to Carrie and Chris, after all these months? How would Carrie react to her? She honestly wasn’t sure. She’d never had anyone like Sue before, barely had had a friend, let alone what Sue was to her. And that wasn’t even counting all the tumult in their lives.

She didn’t know. She just didn’t know.

Sue was sitting on a wall outside her apartment block when they arrived, leafing through a paperback book. The wind had blown her hair into a feathery mess, which she kept brushing out of her face. And, oh, it made Carrie’s heart sing seeing her like this, all unaware and peaceful. The stress she’d been under the last time Carrie had seen her seemed completely absent. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Chris taking in that sight as well, a long shuttered look that made her wonder what she was thinking.

Sue didn’t look up until they’d gotten out of the car and Chris had called, “Hello there, stranger!” with Carrie adding a shy, “Hi!” along with a wave. Then she was staring at them with the brightest smile on her face, as though she couldn’t get enough of the sight.

“Hey,” she said, marking her place and getting to her feet, before running over to them, arms outstretched. “It’s so good to see you,” she added, hugging first Carrie and then Chris.

“Here,” Carrie said, handing a carefully wrapped package to Sue.

Sue bit her lip and cradled it to her chest “Oh, you really didn’t have to.”

Carrie shrugged awkwardly. “It really wasn’t a problem.”

Sue started towards the building. “Come on, I’ll take you up to my apartment and I can see what you’ve got me while you tell me all about how you’ve been.”

Sue’s apartment was still rather sparse, a few battered chairs in the main area around an equally rickety table were the only things visible on first view, but on the table were an assortment of childish drawings and art.

“Something we should know about?’ Chris drawled. “Any children you forgot to mention?”

Sue flushed as she carefully started opening the package, being sure not to tear the wrapping. “I’ve managed to pick up a few regular babysitting jobs while I’ve been here. They’re some good kids.”

“Hey, I think it’s nice,” Carrie, casting a quelling glance in Chris’ direction before moving forward to examine what looked like, among other things, a very crude picture of Sue. “I’m glad you’ve managed to find a place here.” It felt bittersweet to say, and part of her hoped Sue would disagree with her.

Sue dashed those hopes. “It’s really starting to feel like a home,” she agreed as she unfolded the dress that Carrie had painstakingly made over the months since she’d seen Sue last. “Oh, Carrie, this is beautiful! Thank you so much!” She hugged Carrie again, adding to the churning mix of emotions in Carrie’s stomach, before drawing away. “If nothing else, settling in has reminded me how nice it’s to be around people who don’t know every stupid thing you did when you were six.” She sent a teasing glance Chris’ direction. “Chris.”

It was Chris’ turn to look uncomfortable, a clear reference to something Carrie didn’t know about. Had missed out on because even though she’d gone to the same schools as them, she’d never been a part of that society. Had only ever been the subject of gossip, never had it passed on with a laugh and a smile.

She took a breath and blew it out, trying to release the old hurt. That wasn’t her life now. She didn’t want to think about it any more. She had Chris and Sue as friends — which still seemed unreal at moments like this — and she didn’t want to dwell on things that no one could change any more.

By the time she’d come out of herself, Chris had managed to manoeuvre Sue into talking about her various jobs rather than old history. “And, sure, I might be working as a shop assistant now, but I’ve got a few other things on the spin. Ms Davis says there might be even room in library budget for me to work there part time as assistant.” Her face was glowing so much it was hard to look away from her, her enthusiasm for her future undeniable and Carrie tried her best to let her resentment at Sue’s plans for a future without them go.

“That’s great,” she said, trying to mean it.

Sue flashed her a smile. “Thanks. It’s not what I’d ever really imagined for myself, but, well. I’m glad I found it anyway. So, tell me about what’s been happening with the two of you. I know what you’ve told me, but I’m sure there’s more deets you haven’t dished yet.” She looked at the two of them expectantly.

It isn’t until a few hours later, when they’ve talked about pretty much everything else, Carrie and Chris now on the chairs, Sue seated on a pillow she fetched from her bedroom, propped up against the wall, when Sue finally tentatively brings it up. “So, did you two ever…?” She points at the two of them.

Carrie flushed. She’d told Sue about them kissing — of course she had — but not about… that. “Yes,” she admitted. “Just once, but yes.”

“Oh,” Sue said quietly, then smiled. “That’s good! I’m glad, you know, that you’re sorting stuff out.”

Chris looked at her skeptically. “Hang on a sec, cowboy. You know we’re not married, or even going out, let alone going steady. We’re just… well, you know.”

Carrie wished she did. What were they even doing? What had she been doing with Sue? What had Sue been doing with Chris? She’d never heard any of them give it a name, as though daring to do so might break whatever it was irreparably.

“Oh,” Sue said again. “That’s… you deserve to be happy. And isn’t it easier, now there’s just the two of you?”

Sue looked so… so hopeful and yet alone over there, that Carrie couldn’t help getting off the chair to scamper over there, curl up next to her on the wall. “Can I hold you?” she asked timidly.

Sue let a long rattling sigh leave her body. “Okay,” she said. “Sure.”

And, oh, it’d been too long since she’d felt Sue against her like this, held her warmth against her., been able to smell that scent that had been inexorably tied at some point to the concept of home. And beside her, she felt Sue slowly start to relax into her as well.

“I still love you, you know,” Carrie said, trying for certain, not being quite sure she managed it. She didn’t think anything had changed, but how would she know, really?

But despite the hollow feeling she got whenever she thought about the fact that they’d be leaving soon, undoubtedly without Sue, she wanted to believe it.

Sue shot her a quick furtive look. “Thanks,” she said. “That’s probably more than I deserve, but… thanks. And I still love you too.” Carrie didn’t think she sounded sure about that either.

Carrie had to close her eyes to stop the tears escaping, and berated herself for that meaning so much to her, for just crying so much these days. It… shouldn’t matter what Sue felt, only Carrie’s feelings for Sue should matter, as sure an true as the north star. That was what she had told herself again and again over the months since she’d seen her last, but…

It was really good to hear out loud.

Chris cleared her throat. “I’m going to get some air, stretch my legs and let you two sort things out.”

There was a part of her that remembered how things had been before, when she would have been more than happy to see Chris gone, for as long as possible sometimes. But now, after long months spent side by side, growing to appreciate each other rather than simple toleration, it felt wrong to not have her here. “Hey, you don’t have to go,” she said.

Both Chris and Sue looked at her, then, cautiously, at each other.

“You sure?” Chris asked, eyes flicking between the two of them. “It just seems like the two of you could use some catching up time.”

And, well, she wasn’t wrong. But it also didn’t feel right doing it without her, or at least that Chris should feel that she’d have to be absent for it to happen. But Carrie wasn’t quite sure how to put it into words, not in a way that wouldn’t make her flush to say, so she just held a hand out mutely.

Chris tilted her head a bit, considering. Sue briefly gripped her hand tighter, but didn’t say anything one way or another, so she liked to think that she was at least tentatively supportive. Then Chris sighed, dramatically, and came over to take her hand, squatting down to sit next to her as well.

“I guess there’s nothing wrong with sticking around for a bit, I guess.” She quirked an eyebrow. “You do realise that this means that none of us are actually using what passes for furniture in this apartment? Though maybe that’s not actually such a bad thing.”

Sue laughed quietly. “Ouch, Chris. I’ll stop being polite and let you take the floor next time.”

Chris shrugged casually. “Sure.” She rolled her shoulders and arched against the wall, clicking her back. “I mean, see what you’ve done in just this much time. Anyway, don’t let me stop you two saying how much you love each other.”

Carrie took a breath, told herself that she could be brave, that no one would mock her for saying this, and squeezed Chris’ hand. “I like you as well, you know.”

Chris stared at her wide eyed, seemingly speechless, before finally shrugging jerkily. “Yeah, well,” she said. “I guess that’s only natural after spending months in each other’s pockets. Either grow to like each other or go mad.”

Carrie… really wasn’t sure that was true. And, anyway, it was kind of beside the point. “I mean, I like you not just as a friend.” Not love, not yet, but…

Then again, what did she know? How many friends had she really had? All she knew is that she cared about Chris, even when she was being grouchy and prickly, that she found her pretty, even hot sometimes, that holding her in her arms, being held, was just so nice the few times they’d done that.

She didn’t know. She just really didn’t know. Why couldn’t Chris or Sue tell her what she was feeling, since they were so much more experienced?

Chris’ face underwent a quick shift of expression, finally resting on a leer. “Well, I’d certainly hope not,” she said lightly, before giving Carrie the kind of bedroom eyes that made her tingle and want… want… “And you’re not so bad yourself, Carrie White.”

And then she was back to blushing, uncomfortably aware that Sue was right next to her. Who was apparently undergoing under own blushing fit.

“Yes, well, I just wanted you to know that you didn’t have to leave. If you didn’t want to.” That she was a part of this, if she wanted to be. Maybe. If Sue wanted her to be as well, she guessed.

Chris looked down at their joined hands, then back up at her with a rueful smile. “I think that’s more than enough emotion for me at the moment.” She tugged her hand gently free and stood up. “Like I said, I’m really feeling the need to stretch my legs for a bit. See you in a while.”

And then she was gone.

“So,” Sue said after the door clicked shut behind Chris. “How are things going between you two?” She blushed, eyes flickering away from Carrie. “If you don’t mind telling me of course.”

Carrie looked down at her hands. They’d never really done the whole talking about the third member of their group when she wasn’t there. From Carrie’s perspective, she’d never talked to Sue about Chris initially because when she had Sue to herself, Chris was the last thing she wanted to think about. Not to mention the deep rooted fear that she might find out that Sue liked Chris more than her, that Sue was only putting up with Carrie out of pity.

She hadn’t wanted or needed to talk to Chris at that point, of course. The profanity that had issued forth from her mouth had been bad enough, making Carrieblush and igniting a curiosity she still found hard at times.

Since she’d become friends with Chris things had changed, of course. But still, talking about one with the other didn’t come easily.

Still, now that Sue had asked, Carrie could feel a pressure within her to talk, to try to make sense of what had happened. To be able to work through things in a way that she’d jut found difficult with Chris.

She looked back up at Sue shyly. “You really don’t mind?”

It was Sue’s turn to look away. “Sure,” she said, though her voice wavered a little.

Carrie chewed on her lip a little, but now that the idea was out there, she was finding it hard to force the words back down again. “We’ve kissed, made out on occasion. It… wasn’t like it was with you.”

Sue quirked a smile. “Yeah, Chris is definitely unique.” Her voice was wistful.

“It felt like at first she had something to prove, but then… I don’t know. She seemed happier to take it slow on occasion.”

“Slow? Chris?” Sue asked with a certain amount of disbelief.

Carrie shrugged. It was true, slow hadn’t exactly been Chris’ watchword from what Carrie had seen when she’d been with Sue. “Maybe she’s just not as much into me as she was you.” The thought was a dull ache, for all that she’d had it before.

“Oh, Carrie,” Sue hugged her tightly. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

Carrie didn’t see how it couldn’t be. Sue was Sue, after all, and Carrie was just Carrie. “Thanks,” she said, hoping she managed to sound like she meant it. “It’s not as though it’s not nice. Just not quite how I was imagining it, I guess.” Apart from when Carrie really managed to get under Chris’ skin. Biting seemed to help do it, especially on her lips and neck. “Not that it really matters now anyway.” She couldn’t quite help huddling in on herself when she admitted that.

“Oh?” Sue asked, her hand starting to stroke Carrie’s hair and she automatically relaxed into the rhythmic feeling.

“It’s just… we Did it, and well, she doesn’t seem to have been interested in me like that since then. Or even in making out.” She looked away from Sue, not wanting to see the look of sympathy on her face that was doubtless written all over it.

Sue’s hand lingered at the base of her neck, rubbing there and Carrie almost wanted to sink into the sensation. Sink into it and forget the humiliation about talking about her inadequacies. “Doesn’t seem interested?” Sue asked. “What did she actually say?”

“We… haven’t really talked about it? I mean, I know I wasn’t anything compared to you, but… I dunno. I was kind of taking my lead from her?”

Maybe that had been a mistake. But the thought of breaching that fragile peace, talking about something that Chris didn’t want to, maybe learning that her body had been so disgusting Chris didn’t even want to look at it again… She didn’t feel brave enough for that.

“Do you… do you want me to speak to her about it? Just sound her out, find out what she’s feeling? I don’t want to intrude, but if you’re that worried…”

Carrie peeked up at her. Sue was looking so earnest and worried that the ice and rocks in Carrie’s chest couldn’t help but melt into warm sludge and suddenly she was sure that her feelings for Sue hadn’t changed one bit. “You’re sure you wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course not?” Sue said, before shaking her head, then nodding it more decisively. “Of course not. I don’t want things to go bad for either of you, and it might be easier for me than you to ask about this.”

“Thank you,” Carrie said, gratitude making the corners of her eyes prickle. “Thank you so much. I… If she doesn’t want to Do it again, I really won’t mind.” She was surprised to find that, although the thought hurt a little, it really was true. “I just want to know.”

Sue rubbed the back of Carrie’s neck again. “She’s a fool if she can’t appreciate your eyes.” She went slightly red. “And… other things.”

And, oh, Carrie couldn’t help leaning in at that, moving instinctively towards Sue’s mouth, just like she had in days past. She managed to halt herself just before she made contact, so close that she could feel Sue’s breath on her face. She didn’t have the right, couldn’t assume the permission to do that any more.

Sue made an inarticulate noise and darted forwards, her fingers tangling in Carrie’s hair to bring their mouths together. And it was just as sweet as Carrie remembered, had dreamed about. She found herself responding in the old ways automatically, as though they hadn’t been parted at all. Her eyes had closed of their own accord and it felt like if she opened them, they might be curled up on the floor of some crappy motel room, rather than in Sue’s apartment.

Not that it mattered. Not that it mattered.

Carrie pulled away for a second — Sue making a sound of complaint as she did so — so she could straddle Sue properly, press kisses down on her from above. And, yes, that was far more comfortable, she thought as she sank into Sue’s kisses once again, like finding cold water after having walked in a desert for far too long.

The doorbell rang, and Carrie jumped away guiltily. This wasn’t hers, she shouldn’t have done that. From the way that Sue was looking away from her, just running the fingers through her hair as she tried to restore some semblance of order as she got up to buzz Chris in, she felt the same way.A weight settled in Carrie’s stomach as she waited for Chris to enter the apartment. Had she spoiled everything?

Chris stopped when she entered the apartment, clearly taking in Carrie and Sue’s state. Then, just when Carrie was about to burst into a flurry of apologies, she smirked. “Wow,” she said. “I can see that ‘talking about Chris and Carrie’ lasted just about a hot minute. Have a good time without me?”

Carrie wasn’t sure what she felt at that, a churn of emotions that made her stomach hurt. Sue flushed too, but looked a little pissed as well. “Did you have to be quite so… so crass?”

Chris rolled her eyes. “It turns out that I prefer to actually use words to describe what’s happening. Unlike some people I know.”

Sue’s eyes flashed. “You mean, you prefer to run away when the conversation gets anywhere close to real?”

“Can we not?” Carrie asked quietly, but something in the tone she used made the other two look at her. “Just… Chris, are you fine that I made out with Sue?”

Chris let out a loud laugh. “What, why would I mind that you made out with Sue, of all people? It isn’t like any of us have ever been exclusive, not since we started this thing.”

Carrie looked down, not willing to look her in the eyes. “It’s just… I never asked. We started kissing and it’s fine that you were kissing other people, I knew that when we started. But we never said anything about me, so it was wrong to just assume like that.”

There was a silence, so Carrie dared a peek upwards. She couldn’t help worrying that she’d find scorn, that Chris was so thrown by the stupidity of what she had to say that she had to take a moment to think of a properly cutting retort.

But Chris’ face wasn’t like that at all. It was thoughtful and searching, like she hadn’t been expecting Carrie to say that in the slightest and she was trying to figure out what to make of it. Finally, she gave Carrie a slight smile, an oddly genuine one. “Sure, Carrie. You can kiss whoever you want to, and I’ll let you know if that ever changes.”

Rationally, Carrie knew that would be Chris’ answer. That Chris, of all people, would never think badly of her for what had happened, for, worse, what she had felt, for Sue as well as Chris. But it was still such a relief to hear her say those words, to know that Chris didn’t hold it against her. “Thanks,” she managed before she had to run to the washroom, just to sit on the toilet and take one breath after another for a while, trying to recover herself.

This was all a little too much. She… she wasn’t sure what to make of all this, kissing someone even though she was going to have to leave her all too soon, having someone she had already kissed being fine with it. She couldn’t help wondering how Sue had handled it, way back when. It wasn’t all she wanted, not by a long shot, but it still seemed like so much right about now.

Even if she wasn’t going to keep it. Sue was undoubtedly going to remain here, and she was going to leave. And, somehow, that reminder made her feel a little better, made it seem that much more real.

“Two whole ice cream parlours? Truly you are spoiled,” Chris was laconically saying when she exited the washroom.

Sue shook her head. “You may laugh, but it’s a situation that’s split the town. There have been people screaming at each other in the diner because a friend has visited the other side.”

Carrie just stayed where she was for a moment, taking the two of them in. Sue was sitting crosslegged on one of the chairs, Chris slouching against a wall, laughing with each other, more relaxed than she really remembered having seen them. She felt a lump rise in her throat. She’d never have believed that she’d have thought this, back when the three of them were constantly trapped together, but it was so, so nice to see them like this.

It was a little bittersweet to think about it, but at least Sue’s time away seemed to have to done them some good.

Chris glanced in her direction, gave her a slight smile. “Feeling better.”

“Yes,” she said, moving into the room to join them properly. “I am.”

“Hey,” Sue said as Carrie sat down. “About before…”

“When you two were making out,” Chris added helpfully.

“Yes, thank you, Chris,” Sue said, a little sarcastically, but without any real heat, before continuing more hesitantly. “I’m really sorry if I… I don’t want you to think it changed anything.”

“I didn’t think otherwise,” Carrie said, only just becoming aware that there was a small part of her that had hoped that, somehow, that it might have. However unfair that might be.

Sue smiled sadly, as though she was the person that could everything running through someone’s head. “Just so we’re all clear,” she said, flicking a glance in Chris’ direction.

“Yeah, no,” Chris said. “I’m not having that conversation with Carrie here, under your benevolent gaze. Not that it’s a bad conversation,” she added quickly, forestalling what felt like Carrie’s incipient heart attack, “but not one that I exactly want an audience for.”

Sue pressed her lips together, radiating disapproval. “Fine,” she pronounced. “But it had better happen, with no putting it off. I will be checking up, missy. Carrie deserves better.” Her expression softened. “You deserve better.”

Chris looked away, in a way that would have been almost shy it if were anyone other than Chris. She then spoiled the effect by rolling her eyes. “I can only imagine that you’re looking forward to this,” she said to Carrie.

“I… really would like to know where we stand,” Carrie offered.

“Yes, well. I have been threatened into promising that we’ll” —a loud dramatic sigh— ”talk it out.” But she did have the grace to shoot Carrie an abashed look, an apology of sorts even if a silent one. “Anyway, what are we doing for dinner?”

Sue just looked at her for a moment before giving up and turning toward the kitchen. “Any suggestions about what you would like? I cooked up a joint of beef at the weekend and I’m about halfway through it now, some bread for sandwiches, the remains of a sack of potatoes and various tins in the cupboard, but I guess we could pop out if you wanted something else.”

“That’s fine,” Carrie said.

“Fresh vegetables,” Chris announced. “And not just potatoes.”

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at that,” Sue said, smiling a little at Chris, then looked at Carrie. “You sure that you’re good with some slices of beef and whatever Chris decides on?”

She hadn’t had a proper choice in what she ate in so long that it took a minute or two to just properly think things through. What would she like, apart from whatever they could make themselves in a motel room, or if they were flush, whatever was good at the local diner? The thought of Momma’s mac and cheese, sprinkled with a little diced bacon suddenly came to mind, that she’d made for Carrie on special occasions, or when she was particularly pleased with her. It wasn’t exactly fancy, but it had been a taste of home she hadn’t had in far too long.

But no. Sue had already turned back, picking a shopping bag out of a cupboard, the question clearly a courtesy she didn’t expect Carrie to reply to. It didn’t really matter anyway, just a fleeting whimsy she’d forget in the next moment. It certainly wasn’t as strong a preference as Chris’ longing for veggies.

Leaving the apartment, it quickly became clear that Sue had made herself part of Braintree in the months she had been here, greeted twice by passers-by on the way to the local shops, once more practically as soon as they’d entered by the guy behind the counter.

“I think he’s sweet on you,” Chris remarked as they walked down the aisle.

Sue shot her a quelling look, both at her clear amusement and the way she’d not exactly been quiet saying that. “Oh, I don’t think that’s the case.”

Chris shrugged. “Ooh, fresh peaches. Can we please?” She didn’t wait for Sue to reply before filling a bag with them and putting them into Sue’s basket. “And bananas,” adding a bunch into the basket as well.

Sue gave her a funny look. “I thought you didn’t like them.”

“I finally managed to winkle out of that one,” she hooked a thumb in Carrie’s direction, “that she actually likes them. And, really, anything to help stave off scurvy.”

Carries blushed as Sue looked over at her, shrugging embarrassedly. Honestly, it had been more of a one time craving that she’d expressed more than anything like the love affair that Chris had with peaches — and grapes, couldn’t forget the grapes — but Chris had been so pleased with the discovery she hadn’t had the heart to correct her. And it wasn’t like she exactly minded being gifted with fruit. If nothing else, every time Chris remembered, it made Carrie feel soft and squishy.

Sue hooked her arm through Carrie’s, and squeezed her hand. “How come I’m only finding out about this now? That I had to find this out from — her — of all people?”

“Hey,” Chris objected lazily, attention more focussed on the wonderland of fresh goods.

Carrie felt her face burn even brighter, half wanting to hide away from the attention, half not wanting to move at all. She gave a half shrug with her free arm. “Sorry,” she managed. “I guess it didn’t seem important.”

Sue was unsuccessfully trying to hide a grin. “You, my dear, may project an innocent and simple exterior, but you have hidden depths which I obviously haven’t even begun to plunge.” Her eyes glinted. “Obviously, this’ll have to be rectified.”

Chris paused in her examination of the aisle, to glance back at them and waggle her eyebrows lasciviously. Then it was Sue’s turn to blush.

“Hey, you,” she said, pointing a finger accusingly. “If you’ve got time to be making that kind of expression, you’re obviously about finished here.”

Chris’ eyes widened in mock fear. “Looking, looking,” she said, rapidly turning back and adding some broccoli and eggplant. “Just in case,” she added.

As the clerk rang up their order, he introduced himself as Rob and chatted with them, apparently eager to find out more about these old friends of ‘Zoe’. He non too subtly fished for information about ‘Zoe’s dark past’, as he joked several times, apparently not noticing how Sue’s smile got slightly more fixed every time he made it. Even after they’d paid, he kept on talking, mostly to Sue now, ignoring how her answers grew shorter and shorter. But when Chris stepped forwards, a dangerous glint in her eyes, Sue stopped her from shredding the clerk with a quelling hand to her wrist.

Finally, as he showed no signs of stopping, Carrie lost her patience, reached out with her mind and flicked over a display, sending cans everywhere.

He blinked, looking puzzled at the sudden clatter and collapse. “Oh, uh. I guess I better handle that. See you around, Zoe?”

“Sure,” Sue said, taking the opportunity to flee.

Chris barely waited until they were out of the store before bursting into peels of laughter.

“That wasn’t very kind, Carrie,” Sue said, doing her best to look disapproving, but the way the corners of her mouth twitched rather undercut her message.

Carrie gave her an innocent look back. “The way he kept on talking, he was obviously bored and looking for something to do, so I thought I’d help him out.”

Sue spun back towards Chris, holding out an accusing finger. “This is your fault. Chris Hargensen. I leave her alone in your company for six months and this is what she starts doing.”

Chris still looked far too amused for anyone’s good. “I—” she started to protest, before shrugging then giving Sue a smirk.”Okay, I’m happy to accept the blame for that little development.” She gave Carrie a thumbs up. “Honestly, I was at the point of trying to figure out the best way to cut him down to size that wouldn’t get me murdered by you.”

The flicker of amusement that had been licking at the side of Sue’s mouth disappeared. “I’m glad that you didn’t. I do have to live here after all.”

Chris blinked at her. “Please tell me you aren’t thinking of succumbing to that pile of semi-aware fungus’ dubious charms. I know I was joking about it earlier, but really?”

Sue didn’t answer, just picked up the pace, marching determinedly back towards her apartment. Carrie shared a look with Chris, then hurried after her.

“Hey,” Carrie said softly when they’d caught up. “Chris didn’t mean anything by it. We were just surprised, is all.”

The tension in Sue’s shoulders relaxed and she slowed down again. “I’m not really thinking about it. Not really. It’s just… Sometimes, it feels like it’d be easier, picking one guy so the others will back off. And I know he didn’t exactly give the best impression, but he’s not that bad, honestly.”

Carrie took Sue’s empty left hand and gave Chris a significant look behind Sue’s back. Chris rolled her eyes, but linked her arm through Sue’s other arm.

“It’s alright if that’s what you want to do,” she offered. It didn’t feel right, especially not after they’d been making out not an hour ago, but if that’s what Sue needed to do…

Well, she didn’t need Carrie making a scene about it, no matter how hollow it might make her feel.

Sue gave her a tense smile, but didn’t reply.

Making dinner, when they got back, was an awkward affair. Sue bustled around the kitchen as Carrie and Chris stood around, not reacting when Carrie asked her if there was anything they could do. Finally, Chris pushed Sue away from the chopping board, saying, “I’m fairly sure that even I can’t mess this up.”

Sue huffed, but left her to it. She stood around helplessly for a minute before moving over to the cooker and putting some water on to boil. She then flailed around for a few minutes before turning in Carrie’s direction.

“Can we have a quick talk?”

The look in Sue’s eyes had Carrie feeling like she’d swallowed a weight. “Sure.”

Sue led her to her bedroom — pretty much as desolate as the rest of the apartment — and closed the door behind them. “About what happened earlier…” she started, then trailed off.

“About me knocking over the tins in the store?” There had been that promise Sue had made her make, over a year ago now, but she hadn’t hurt him. Hardly even inconvenienced him really.

Sue looked blank briefly, before shaking her head. “Oh, god no. No, I mean,” she went slightly pink. “When we were making out. I, um, I’m not sure we should do that again.”

“Oh,” Carrie said quietly. “Of course. I’m really sorry I kissed you.” Of course Sue didn’t want to do that any more. How could Carrie have thought otherwise?

“I’m… fairly certain that I was the one who kissed you,” Sue said, not sounding entirely sure, twisting her hands together nervously. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just… I can’t help remembering how we left things. How I treated you back when… when…” She tugged her hands apart and reached towards her neck.

“Oh,” Carrie said. “Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t think.” She moved over towards Sue, wanting nothing more than to take Sue in her arms, before she hesitated. “Is this alright? If I hug you?”

Sue paused, swallowing and Carrie, feeling like the worst kind of heel, started to move towards the door. “Stop,” Sue said quietly. “I…I’m not saying that I wouldn’t like a hug. It’s just that I can’t quite believe you want to touch me again, after what I did to you.”

Oh, Sue. Carrie wrapped her arms around Sue, and squeezed her tight. “That wasn’t your fault, you know,” she mumbled into Sue’s hair.

“I don’t know it wasn’t, not totally. It still felt like things I might think and…” Sue took a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry. I thought I was past this, but…”

“It’s fine,” Carrie said, releasing her, backing away so Sue could have room to breathe. “You don’t… We can just take this as slow as you want. Or not at all. I’m not going to…” She waved vaguely in the air.

Sue gave her a slightly shaky smile. “It’s really not a question of what I want,” she said, a not in her voice that was either bitter or wry. “But slow, yeah. Slow sounds good. Shall we go back out, see how Chris is doing with those veggies?”

Carrie took a breath and nodded. “Yeah. That sounds good.”

Chris had apparently been doing the chopping in the wrong order — to which she raised her eyebrows and said, “Well, maybe if you’d told me that in the first place…” and Sue had replied, a slight smile on her face, “And would you have listened?’ — so they had to wait a little while until Sue could start. Carrie hovered, half wondering if she should ask again if there was something she could do, half just enjoying the banter between Chris and Sue.

Dinner, when it finally came, was worth all the trouble. Carrie might not be as obsessed with food as Chris, but yeah. It had been far too long since they’d eaten like this. By the time they’d eaten and Carrie had done the dishes, exhaustion from the journey and the events of the day began to hit and she started yawning and couldn’t stop.

“Do you want to take a chair, or the floor?” Sue asked. “Or…?” The bed, she didn’t need to say. With Sue. Just like they’d used to.

A part of Carrie really wanted to. She’d spent so long not being able to feel anyone’s warmth next to her, apart from those few nights with Chris. But given the talk hey just had, it didn’t seem like the right move. Like it would just complicate things.

“Get me a few blankets and I’ll just curl in the corner over there,” she finally decided. “Would you like to pray with me?” she added shyly. They hadn’t been able to do it together for so long.

Sue hesitated just long enough to make it awkward. “I’m sorry,” she said finally. “It’s just… you know I’ve been re-evaluating my life in a lot of ways recently, and I’m not sure I believe any more. So it wouldn’t really feel right.”

Oh. Well, at least she didn’t have to worry that Sue was just indulging her with the nightly prayer, but… It had been one of their things, one of the things that had just belonged to Carrie and Sue after they’d left home.

It had been like for that her, anyway.

She nodded and attempted to shrug casually. “Mind if I quickly pray in the corner over here?”

“No, of course not,” Sue said, so Carrie set herself up in the corner, and prayed extra hard for the Lord to protect Sue since she wouldn’t be paying to him herself. By the time she’d finished packing her crosses away, the tiredness had really begun to hit, and she curled up in the blankets that Sue had fetched while she had been praying.

“Don’t worry if you want to keep on talking. I doubt it’ll keep me up.”

“If you’re sure?” Sue said. “We could just go to my room and close the door.”

Carrie tried to think, the warm cotton wool of tiredness already fogging her brain. “No. It’d be nice hearing your voices as I’m drifting off. Means I’m safe.”

The last thing she remembered after Sue coming back and tucking her in was Chris saying, “I would not have believed how cute she looks, curled up like that.” And Carrie could have been wrong, but Chris didn’t even sound that sarcastic.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, Carrie was gently roused by the sound of Sue very quietly closing the door to the washroom behind her. Chris was sprawled inelegantly in a chair across from her, covered only sporadically by a blanket, hair askew, a low rumbling emanating from her open mouth.

It was possibly the most ruffled that Carrie had ever seen Chris, including when bruised and bloody. A warm fondness rose in her and she suddenly wished for a camera, maybe a polaroid, so she could capture this moment forever.

She was still smiling when Sue exited the washroom, freshly scrubbed and lightly made up in a way that made Carrie ache a little that she hadn’t managed to catch her before. Not that she didn’t look great now, but… Sue glanced at Chris, before giving Carrie a conspiratorial grin. “She’s kind of cute like this, isn’t she?” she asked softly.

But apparently not quietly enough as Chris’ snore ended in a few snorts and she sleepily opened her eyes. After blinking, she looked between the two of them. “What are you looking at?”

Carrie and Sue grinned at each other, then chorused. “Nothing.” Before Chris could interrogate them further, Carrie dashed off in the direction of the washroom while Sue headed towards the kitchen.

Carrie was nibbling on some toast for breakfast, chatting with Sue about her day — her shift was starting at around midday — when Chris finally joined them, strutting in, still glistening from the shower, only half heartedly covered by a towel, looking absolutely magnificent. With a clatter, Sue dropped the cup she’d been holding and Carrie really couldn’t blame her.

Chris basked in the reaction, tugging the corner of her mouth up in a smirk. “See something you like?” she asked cockily.

Carrie blushed, and looked down at the table, feeling weirdly embarrassed about feeling that way while Sue was around. Sue just let out a strangled, “Maybe,” before she busied herself mopping up spilled coffee.

Carrie sneaked a look up, and saw Chris looking far too pleased with herself as she made her way over to the fridge while Sue watched her with hungry eyes. It… actually hit Carrie with a wave of nostalgia, the way Chris and Sue had acted in the good times when they’d all been travelling together. “It’s alright, you know, if you want to do… have sex,” she said, suddenly wanting nothing more than to let them know she’d be fine with it if they did.

Chris stopped and turned towards her, carton of milk in one hand. “You sure you’re fine with that?” Her eyes flicked over Carrie searchingly.

“Sure! I’m fine with it, honestly. It’d be nice!” Carrie started to gabble, feeling the flush in her cheeks intensify. “Or… not nice, but… Didn’t you say that we weren’t exclusive and…. Can’t anyone stop me from talking?” she finished plaintively as Sue politely hid a smile behind a hand and Chris just openly laughed at her.

“Okay, Curls. If you’re sure,” Chris said, moving over, so she could ruffle Carrie’s hair.

“Don’t worry, I think the mood’s been broken,” Sue said dryly as she poured herself a new cup of coffee. Chris aimed a look full of heat and promise at her, and Sue gulped. “Or maybe not.” She blinked and shook her head. “Are you really alright with this, Carrie? I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for you.”

“You’re not,” Carrie tried to reassure her. “I… don’t know how to explain it, but I’m really fine with it.” The heat pulsed in her cheeks again, and she looked down again. “I… it’s fine. It’s really fine.”

“If you’re sure…” Sue trailed off uncertainly.

“I think she’s said that she is,” Chris broke in. “I think it’s time to trust her on this.” Out of the corner of her eyes, Carrie saw Chris move over towards Sue and tilt Sue’s head up towards her with her fingers. A taunting note entered her voice. “Unless it’s that you don’t want to, and you’re just looking for excuses to back out.”

Sue practically growled and threw herself at Chris, who didn’t so much as sway backwards, instead meeting her with equal fervour. And, well, Carrie couldn’t deny any more — at least to herself —that watching them like this was hot. But it was also nice, right in a way that she honestly hadn’t realised that missed. Or, for that matter, ever thought that she would. Still, it wasn’t altogether a bad thing when Sue pushed Chris towards the bedroom before Carrie’s face threatened to set fire to the air around her.

She decided to turn her attention elsewhere instead, doing a quick mental sweep of the surroundings, looking for the feel of any minds being focussed on them. It probably wasn’t necessary — they’d only been a day here — but anything was better than the feeling she got when she paid too much attention to the noises from the other room.

To her lack of surprise, there was nothing. Just the usual buzz of people going about their business mixed with the trials and tribulations of everyday life.

* * *

“So Zoe then dressed him down for accepting the apology, instead of telling her it was actually his fault.” Miriam said before downing the rest of her beer.

Rob’s cheeks turned red, but he managed a laugh, matching Sue’s tone and shade almost exactly as she did the same. “And that’s when I knew that I had to try and be friends with her.”

“Yup. Far too few people calling you on your shit,” Miriam agreed merrily.

“I don’t know about that,” he said dryly. “I always have you.”

“Exactly.” Sue laughed. “I don’t know why anyone needs me at all, really.”

 _I need you_ , Carrie couldn’t help thinking. Even if she wasn’t quite sure it was true any more. Wanted, yes, always. Needed? Maybe not.

It was an odd thought to leave a hollow in her stomach, but it did all the same.

“I guess I’m just glad that anyone puts up with me,” Rob said in a way that didn’t quite seem like just a joke.

Miriam’s demeanour instantly changed. “Hey,” she said, leaning into him and giving him a pat on the shoulder. “Don’t think like that. We’re lucky to be friends with you.”

He offered her a smile. “Thanks. And thanks to you too, Zoe, for putting up with me as well.”

Sue shifted. “It’s really not putting up with, honestly,” she said politely.

“So… was that dress a gift?” Miriam asked, in a blatant change of subject. “I’m sure I haven’t seen it before. The cut and colour really suits you.”

Sue laughed. “Thanks. And, yes it was. Lauren made it for me,” she said, nodding at Carrie.

Miriam’s eyes focussed on Carrie with laser like precision and Carrie couldn’t help shrinking a little. “Oooooooh,” she said, drawing out the syllable dramatically. “We have a seamstress in our midst, it seems. How long are you staying? Do you think you’ll be able to make something for me? I do have an anniversary coming up after all?”

“Um…” Carrie smoothly, panicking slightly at being put on the spot like that., with everyone looking at her

“We haven’t decided yet,” Chris cut in smoothly. “But let us know when you’re free and we’ll see if we can arrange something.”

Miriam pouted dramatically. “What are you, her manager?”

Chris shrugged. “Something like that.”

“Hey, Miriam, stop trying to take up all my friends’ time while they’re here to see me,” Sue butted in, not entirely seriously, but not entirely not seriously either.

“Next you’ll accuse me of being bossy!” Miriam exclaimed.

“I would never do that,” Sue said dryly.

Carrie breathed a sigh of relief as the conversation moved away from her again.

“As I’m sure you can already tell, those two do most of the talking around here, at least when it’s just the four of us,” the boy squeezed next to Carrie said to her sotto voce. He squeezed the arm he had wrapped around Miriam. “Honestly, I’m just here to look pretty.”

“But you do it so well,” Miriam said, completely unfazed, and kissed him ostentatiously.

Carrie couldn’t help feeling a pang at the sight. Not that she did have anyone, but if she had a Chris or a Sue, she wouldn’t be able to do that, not so openly or without care.

Not that it was a problem right now, or maybe even in the future.

“So, what’s it’s like on the road?” Duncan asked quietly as the Miriam and Rob Show continued, with occasional asides from Chris and Sue. “I always thought I was going to leave town — maybe just for a bit — after high school, but it never really happened.”

Carrie felt the familiar spike of panic rise as it always did whenever she was asked anything about her fake life, but… “Cramped, poorly ventilated, but I get to see things that I’d never even heard about. I mean, sure, you have fields that stretch on forever around here, but there’s also mountains, desert, wind that feels like it’s been blowing forever, waves bigger than I am.” Sometimes lonely too, especially when she and Chris had had a spat, and there was no one else within hundreds of miles that she really knew. Sometimes paranoid too, wondering if the feds were still looking for them. “I wouldn’t suggest doing it for too long, but taking a couple of weeks’ holiday to visit friends isn’t a bad thing,” she added because it seemed like the kind of thing most people would say and it fit the story Chris and Sue had worked out.

“Yeah,” Duncan said wistfully. “I’ll have to think about it sometime. So, this isn’t too much for you? Zoe wanted to keep the meet up small, said that one of her friends was shy. I’m guessing that was you?”

Carrie couldn’t help smiling. “Yes, that’s me. And I’m fine, thanks.”

“Glad to hear it.”

Watching Sue as she talked and laughed with Chris and her friends, Carrie could see it, that Sue fit in here, in a way that it felt like Carrie never would. Like Chris could if she cared to, which she didn’t seem to anymore, not for any length of time. And she could see why she wanted to keep the peace with Rob, and why Rob thought he had a chance with her, being the two spares and all. In this group at least. Sue glanced over at her and smiled, and Carrie felt warm, included for a moment in a way that only Sue could make her.

“I’m fine,” she mouthed, before determinedly turning back to Duncan, and asking him about how he and Miriam got together.

“So, what did you think?” Sue asked as they walked back to her apartment afterwards, disturbing Carrie from her quick psychic scan of the surroundings, just to make sure that no one was following them. They had been here a few days, after all.

“They seemed very you,” Chris drawled.

“They seemed nice,” Carrie said, giving Chris a look of approbation. “I see why you like them. Even Rob,” she couldn’t help adding.

Sue winced. “Yeah, he’s a lot better when Miriam’s around to ride herd on him. “Not that he’s as bad as you seem to think,” she added hastily.

“I’m sure he isn’t,” Carrie said as Chris snorted.

“I just hope that… well, when that conversation comes, it won’t ruin things with everyone,” Sue said pensively.

Carrie didn’t have an answer for that, so she just reached over and squeezed Sue’s hand in support. Sue gave a squeeze back, then let her hand fall out of Carrie’s grip.

“I can’t believe they’d all ditch you just because of Rob,” Chris said.

“Maybe,” Sue said, not seeming completely convinced but a little more at ease nonetheless. Carrie weaved around Sue to give Chris’ hand a squeeze as well, in thanks. Chris rolled her eyes but didn’t pull away, for a few seconds at least.

“Anyway, let’s get back to your apartment,” Chris said, leering slightly. “I haven’t had great sex in far too long, and I’m planning on taking advantage of you for as long as we’re here.”

It stung a little, the reminder of her inadequacies, but Carrie found it hard to care too much when Sue wrapped an arm around her, drawing her back in. “I’m not too sure what I’d be getting out of this,” Sue said archly after a brief look around to make sure that no one was in earshot.

Chris just smiled smugly. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to show you.”

And, well, this wasn’t too bad, not too bad at all.

* * *

“I really never thought I’d be like that in bed,” Sue said, blushing. “Pushing back, practically making the whole thing a battle, but in a good way. But you know all of this, of course.”

Carrie looked down at her hands, glad that Chris had blown out of the apartment, declaring that she was going to drive for a few hours. Needing her space, in other words.

And somehow the topic of conversation had turned to this.

“Well, um,” she hesitated. “We’ve only done it once, and it wasn’t really like that. But that’s probably because I was still learning the ropes, you know?”

Sue immediately softened. “Don’t worry about it. Just, you know, figure out what you want, and don’t let her push you into anything. It’s just for me….” It was her turn to blush. “I never thought that I’d feel that way about sex, not really. That it was just something girls did for their boyfriends when the relationship got to a certain stage. I never thought that someone could make me want them like that, like I’d want to beg them for more if it wouldn’t make her insufferably smug.”

And, yeah. Carrie could see that, Chris making egotistical little comments about how she’d made Sue squirm helplessly, being far too pleased with herself. “I wouldn’t mind that,” she admitted shyly. “Making her happy like that.” There were times when Chris seemed like a knife in ways that Carrie would never have imagined, before. Cutting everyone around her, sure, but also equally capable of cutting herself, in ways she didn’t like to admit to.

Sue looked at her round-eyed, with concern. “I know that it isn’t really my place to ask this, but are you really sure you want to do it with her? Not that she’s not great in bed, but you’re so…” She waved a hand around in the air.

Carrie felt stung. “What, not attractive enough for her? She didn’t seem to mind when we did it.” But she couldn’t help the doubt from creeping in. She’d be so into her own head that day. Maybe there’d been signs she missed, looks of disgust. Maybe Chris had seen something down there that had been dirty, that had turned her stomach. Maybe that was why Chris had been avoiding the subject ever since.

“Hey, no, no,” Sue said, grabbing Carrie’s hand, tugging her into a hug. “It’s not that at all. It’s more…” She stopped, blushing.

“What?” Carrie couldn’t stop her mind spiralling through options, each worse than the last.

“She was worried that you didn’t really enjoy it, because apparently you just lay there when she was, you know, doing things to you.”

Carrie felt like curling up and dying. They’d talked about her between themselves? About how bad she was in bed? “Oh lord,” she said, hiding her face behind her hands.

“She didn’t say it was bad,” Sue hurried to reassure her. “Just that she wasn’t sure how good it was for you. And you know Chris, her ego didn’t like admitting that she could be bad at anything.”

“So, what should I do? If it ever happens again, I mean. If she ever wants it to happen again. Should I try and express myself more? Does she want me to kind of fight, like you two do sometimes?”

Now it was Sue that couldn’t look at Carrie. “I guess… maybe you should talk to her about that? I just know what we do, which seems to work for the both of us.”

It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter. The only reason that Chris had taken so long to speak to her about it was doubtless that she was trying to find a way to let Carrie down easy. Probably hoped that Carrie would just drop the whole idea if Chris left it alone long enough.

“Hey, hey,” Sue said. “You are pretty and cute, take it from me.I… I would totally make out with you all day, do more with, if it wasn’t for…” She shrugged, looking awkward. “But I was more thinking… It isn’t a crime if you’re just not compatible that way. You’re so gentle and nice, and Chris… Chris really isn’t.” She gave Carrie a crooked smile. “I know which one I’d rather spend a night in bed with. Who I actually have spent a night in bed with.”

Sue’s words left Carrie feeling squirmy and uncomfortable in a way that she really wasn’t expecting. She knew that Sue was just trying to comfort her, make her feel desirable, but… “You shouldn’t speak about Chris that way,” she couldn’t help saying. “She’s spent nights with me, when I needed her to, and… She’s been nice to me, protected me. She’s my friend, too, and sometimes there’s that slight sneer in your voice when you speak about her, and… and…” She ran out of words, and just repeated dumbly, “You shouldn’t speak about her that way.”

Sue leaned away from her, hurt. “That’s not fair. I know she’s been there for you, and I’m grateful to her for that, but I can’t just forget…” She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t say things like that about her. I really am glad that she’s been good to you.” Since Chamberlain echoed loudly between them.

“You can’t keep on punishing her for that. Not on my account, because I don’t remember her doing anything to you.” Not when Chris was the one constant in Carrie’s life. “Certainly not when you’re having sex with her!”

Sue went thin-lipped at that. “I’ve told you it’s complicated.”

“Oh.” Carrie felt like she’d stumbled onto a minefield. But still. “It doesn’t seem right. Especially if she doesn’t know what’s going on,” she couldn’t help adding. Chris probably did — she saw more than Carrie did, even with her talents, but…

Just the thought that she might not left Carrie feeling even more uncomfortable. Especially because she was fairly sure that Chris did actually like Sue, in her own way.

“Okay,” Sue said finally. As Carrie kept on looking at her, unsatisfied, she added. “I’ll talk with her before you leave, alright?”

“Thanks,” Carrie said, and hugged her. It didn’t feel right, not thinking the best of Sue, but this felt like something that needed to be settled, an open sore that she’d only just realised was there, that had gone untreated in far too long.

“I think you’re right, though,” Sue mumbled into Carrie’s hair. “I think it is mostly that I’ve been holding onto what she did to you for all those years. And it isn’t right to do that if you don’t want me to any longer.”

Carrie couldn’t deny that it was nice hearing that. It still felt weird that someone cared enough about her to hold a grudge like that, even if she didn’t actually want them to. “Thanks.”

“Just let me know if she ever starts regressing to her old ways,” Sue warned. “I’ll be on her like white on rice.”

“Sure,” Carrie said, humouring her. It wasn’t like she could do much, if she was here and Carrie and Chris were elsewhere, but it was nice to hear. Even if in reality, Carrie and Chris would have todeal with it themselves.

But maybe that was part of growing up.


	7. Chapter 7

Carrie sat back and let Sue’s words wash over her as Sue read a battered copy of Cinderella to a bunch of rapt children in the library. The sound was gentle and tickled her ears in a way that made it pleasant to lose track and just gently be lulled off into a semi doze.She’d already checked the surroundings and there had been nothing apart from the mercurial spirals of children’s minds and the more worn splodges of the adults looking after them.

The smell of the paper all around her took her back to school, from times she’d hidden in a secluded corner, trying to study during the lunch hour, desperately wishing that she could join the other kids as they joked and laughed with each other, but instead just trying to not embarrass herself too much in class as she struggled to understand the assignments without outside help.

That little girl could never have dreamed where she was today, best friends with two of the most popular girls in school, maybe even more on occasion and…

She was jarred from her thoughts as Chris grabbed her elbow and yanked her in a way that left her feeling like she’d been tugged half off the chair.

“Come on,” Chris whispered in her ear. “She’s going to be here for ages. Let’s get up and actually do something while we’re here.”

Carrie took a last look at the domestic image of Sue before tearing herself away and heading off with Chris to see what she thought was interesting. Sue like this wasn’t for her anyway.

Interesting apparently turned out to be Chris poring over various hardcover Haynes’ books, looking at enough diagrams of parts and engines to make her head spin. Embroidery and dresses she could understand. This, not so much. Still, Chris seemed enthusiastic, taking down notes in cramped handwriting in one of the spiral bound book she’d started buying since she’d worked those few days at Gilpatrick’s. Her enthusiasm was nice to see, even if Carrie didn’t share it.

Carrie stayed there for a few minutes, just watching Chris’ face as her lips moved unconsciously, before she started shifting distractedly in her seat. Maybe she should ask the question that had bothered her ever since Chris and Sue had disappeared into Sue’s room last night.

But maybe not now, not yet. She decided instead to get up and see if she could find something for herself somewhere in the stacks.

She wandered around for about five minutes, flicking through any book whose cover looked sufficiently interesting before being drawn in by the cylindrical rack of brightly coloured romance books. Full of sin and damnation her mother had always said in a dire tone whenever she’d seen them on the shelves or side tables in one of Carrie’s customers’ homes. And so a part of Carrie had always been fascinated by them, covers decorated by scantily clad women being caressed by men and all.

She wasn’t the best reader, but she soon got drawn in by the story of of Eleanor aboard a ship captured by pirates, finding herself irresistibly drawn to their leader Clyde despite all sense and reason. There was… something compelling about the idea of being swept away by passions beyond her control, resisting fiercely despite the danger and the message her heart was trying to tell her…

Only to be rudely interrupted by a flick to the ear.

She froze, caught between wanting to flinch away and turn towards the intrusion with a snarl on her lips, when the book was plucked from out of her hands and an amused voice said, “I had wondered where you’d disappeared off to. This the kind of thing you read when I’m not around?”

“Chris!” she hissed, trying fruitlessly to grab the book back off her. “I was reading that. And no. This is the first time I’ve ever read something like that, for your information,” she added, trying to reclaim some of her lost dignity.

“Heh. I can see why the ‘manly pirate Clyde’ might be more interesting than hanging around me.” She rolled her eyes. “Especially when I’m poring over car books.”

“It’s not that,” she replied instinctively, hating the self deprecating note that had entered Chris’ voice. “Well, it’s mostly not that,” she amended. “Just… you had found your fun, and I wanted to find mine.”

“And that’s apparently this?” Chris raised her eyebrows. “No, don’t deny it. If you want, we can hit up some charity stores before we leave town. They often have bundles of these kind of books you can pick up for cheap.”

That was a thought. Not that she didn’t like spending time in the car with Chris, but it might be nice to have something else to occupy her time on the endless road. “If you wouldn’t mind.”

“Course not. That’s why I suggested it.”

Carrie felt a rush of fondness for Chris almost overpower her, which gave her the bravery to finally ask the question that had been bothering her all day. “So has Sue actually talked about feelings with you yet?”

Chris blinked and the teasing smile faded. “So, that was your idea?” she asked, then shook her head. “Rhetorical question. Of course it was you.” One side of her mouth tugged up in what was obviously supposed to be a smile. “Yeah, no problem. We had the talk. Hell of thing for her to burst out with just after you’ve…” She shrugged.

“So? Are you alright?”

“I think you better ask Sue that, not me. I think you managed to poke her right in her Sunday School guilt. Me? I already knew the score.”

“Oh.” That didn’t sound good.

Obviously reading something of what Carrie was feeling in her face, Chris squatted down next to her. “Hey, not I mind, but why do you care, Carrie? You have to have got that I know what I’m letting myself in for when I, well. It’s not like you haven’t seen it a hundred times now, at every step along the road.”

Because it wasn’t the same with Sue, no matter how Chris liked to pass it off, Carrie was fairly sure.Sure, Chris might not care about a random guy in a random stop that she was never going to see again, but Sue had been a constant for six months.

Chris’d never have fought with someone like she had with Carrie over a random hookup, that was for sure.

But she couldn’t say that for certain, not to Chris and so she shrugged. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Chris, but I like you. I care about you. And if there’s a chance… I just want Sue to treat you right, because you deserve that. And I like you. I really, really like you.”

Chris got an odd expression on her face, like she was trying to keep it blank and not quite succeeding. She grabbed Carrie by the hand, practically dragged her to the washroom and, once there, pushed her into a stall and passionately made out with her until Carrie hardly knew which direction was up.

She stopped suddenly and Carrie belatedly realised that the door to the washroom had just opened, accompanied by the clicking of heels. Luckily, someone — Chris? Carrie? she couldn’t quite remember — had closed the stall door behind them, but they both still held their breaths until whoever had entered the washroom had left again.

Chris collapsed into giggles in front of her. Tidying herself up, she told Carrie, “Wait a couple of minutes before leaving and, um,” she quickly dampened a few sheets of toilet paper with water. “You might want to wipe down your lips before you do so.”

And then she was gone, and Carrie was left in the wake, uncertain but not exactly unhappy.

That was a good sign, right?

* * *

The end of the week arrived far too fast. Chris still spent the nights with her in the living room, ignoring Carrie’s tentative suggestions that she could stay with Sue if she wanted to, but there was… less of a frantic edge to Chris and Sue’s interactions. Which was good.

But now that the end was here, Carrie couldn’t help wishing that she’d been a little braver herself. Obviously Sue still felt what she felt, but maybe…

It didn’t matter. They were leaving today, and Sue was staying and it didn’t matter anyway.

It was a good thing they were getting on their way, anyway. She’d woken herself up with worry several times last night, unable to get back to sleep until she’d flailed around mentally, making sure that everything was in order.

They’d been here a week, a week, a week already, somewhere they’d been before, and Carrie couldn’t get away from the nagging sensation that they were putting Sue in danger by remaining.

“I guess we better get on the road if we want to get anywhere today,” Chris said, already packed up and neat after a large breakfast, ‘the last real food I’m going to get for a while.’

“Stay there,” Sue said and disappeared into her room before returning burdened down by some boxes. “Firstly, a cool box with as many fresh meals as I could fit inside, and a camping cook set so maybe you can cook for yourself once in a while out there on the great American road system. I thought you might appreciate that, Chris.”

“And here I am without a gift for you in return,” Chris murmured, but took the proffered boxes, hugging Sue one armed. “Look after yourself, Snell, and try not to get yourself murdered in some kind of small town drama. We’re dealing with enough of those already. You really don’t need to help us out that way.”

“I’ll do my best,” Sue said dryly, before turning to Carrie and hanging her a bundle of books. “I asked around and I got some recommendations for these.” She gave Carrie a soft smile. “Chris was grilling me about where the best places in town to pick up cheap second hand books are — all two of them,” she said, rolling her eyes, “And, well, I thought I might as well save you from the vagaries of the buy-by-the-pound shelf for at least the first few miles.”

It — Chris was someone she could associate with the kind of language she’d found in the book, but Sue? Sue was looking almost as embarrassed to be giving her these as she felt to be receiving them. But it was a gift from Sue, and these books would be all the more special for knowing that she had selected them personally for Carrie, so Carrie couldn’t help moving forwards and hugging her tightly.

“Oh, before I forget, this last box is for you as well,” Sue said, handing her the last of them. “It’s not from me so much as Miriam. Apparently she ‘can’t let the only other person in this one horse town who properly appreciates spices leave without being properly equipped.’”

“Oh.” Carrie couldn’t help blushing a bit. “She really didn’t have to. She’s already paid me for the dress.”

“Well, if you ever decide to come this way again, I think you’ll find some more customers,” Sue said, then softly added, “I really wouldn’t mind that.”

And oh, that more anything drove home that Carrie was leaving Sue again, that it still felt like they hadn’t managed to get anything resolved.

“I bet you wouldn’t,” Chris voice broke into Carrie’s circling thoughts. She waggled her eyebrows at Sue lasciviously. “I mean, where else are you going to get some action around here?”

Sue batted at her. “Stop that,” she said, before tangling her hands in Chris’ hair and dragging her into a filthy kiss. “But it’s not been so bad seeing you either.”

“High praise,” Chris said.

“Would you mind if…?” Carrie asked.

Sue stared at her for a long moment. “I…” She glanced at Chris, and some kind of message passed between the two of them. “Of course not,” she finally said. “I’d like that.” This time her approach was much more cautious, and Carrie hated this distance that had sprung up between the, even when they were in the same room.

She still couldn’t help her eyes fluttering shut as Sue pressed her lips to Carrie’s, though, nor the shivers that ran through her body when they touched. It started off sweet and tender, and quickly morphed into something somewhat less innocent. But all too soon Sue pulled away.

“Sorry,” Sue said, a little hoarsely, “It’s just…” She seemed to lose track of her thoughts. Not that Carrie was much better.

“We’ve still got to be gone sometime soon?” Chris asked archly.

“Yes, that,” Carrie agreed, still looking at Sue, before shaking her head and gathering her things.

“Take care, both of you,” Sue said before aiming a look at Chris. “And you better have that talk soon. I’ve given you the grace period you asked for.”

Chris groaned before hitching her bags over her shoulder and heading to the car. Carrie gave Sue a last shy wave before reluctantly following Chris.

She had to leave Sue again, she knew this. She had to leave Sue again.

The drive away from Braintree was quiet. For a while Carrie felt empty and hollow, like she’d left a part of her behind, relief leaking around the edges that they were away, but then she started focussing on Sue’s parting words. The talk Chris was going to have with her, that Chris’d been putting off and putting off. Chris had said that it wasn’t bad, but Carrie couldn’t help wondering what ‘not bad’ could encompass. She’d managed to mostly just not think about it while they’d been at Sue’s — Miriam’s dress had helped with that admittedly — but…

It was probably just Chris had humoured her but just wasn’t interested in her that way and didn’t want things to get weird between them. But what if it wasn’t just that? What if Chris wanted to spend some time away from her, like Sue did, and she was going to — Carrie didn’t know, maybe find some disused hut out in the woods where she could stow Carrie so she could be safe but not with her. But what if something happened to Chris, or she forgot Carrie and Carrie was stuck by herself out there, with no way to contact anyone or get anywhere by herself? What if—?

“What’s up?” Chris’ words broke into Carrie’s circling thoughts.

“Nothing,” Carrie replied automatically, then took a breath and actually tried to reply. “Just worrying about that talk you’re going to have with me, I guess.”

Chris gave her a crooked smile. “Relax,” she said. “It’s nowhere near as bad as what you’re thinking.”

“Then why won’t you tell me?”

Chris sighed heavily “Because…” She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “It’s nothing really.”

Despite having tried to prepare herself for much worse, Carrie couldn’t help feeling like her heart was crushed. Nothing. What they’d shared was nothing to Chris. Not that she’d been expecting otherwise, not really, but…

She’d hoped. She’d hoped that she might mean more than one of Chris’ one night stands. “Oh,” she said in a small voice.

Chris reached over with one hand and grabbed Carrie’s hands, which were busy knotting themselves in the front of her dress. “Hey,” she said. “It’s not a bad thing. I understand that you’re just not that into me.” _What?_ But Chris just kept on talking. “It doesn’t have to affect anything. We’re still… you know.” She made a face. “Honestly, the only reason that I didn’t want to have this conversation with Sue around is because I’m fairly sure that she’d be insufferable if she found out.”

This… wasn’t the conversation that Carrie thought they were going to have. Or… at least she didn’t think it was? “You think I’m not into you?” she asked, struggling to understand where Chris was coming from.

“Well, yes,” Chris said blankly. “I mean, just lying there, the occasional forced whimper? I’m fairly sure that’s not a good time for anyone. And if I’d missed that, the crying was a fairly good clue.”

Carrie blushed. She’d played through the particulars of that night several times since, but she hadn’t realised that… Well, she’d been embarrassed about the crying of course, but she hadn’t realised that Chris might have taken that as a criticism. “The crying was nothing to do with you. Just Sue feelings.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at Chris to see if she understood. “But I was supposed to move? While you were—” She gestured up and down her body. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realise that… It was just hard to focus on anything other than how you were making me feel, and, well,” Sue had seemed to prefer that Carrie remain still when they had… Not that that had meant anything. “Sorry,” she repeated. “I didn’t realise.”

“Oh,” Chris said, sneaking a look at her. “Shit. Sorry. I really thought that you hadn’t had a good time and didn’t want to talk about it.”

“It was nice,” Carrie said, quite sure that her face was about to catch fire. “Really nice. I know that I wasn’t very good at it, but you seemed to figure out me relatively quickly.”

“Oh,” Chris repeated. It was the most discombobulated Carrie had ever seen her, and she was fairly sure that Chris would snap her face off if she ever mentioned that she found ti rather cute. “Huh. So, does that mean you’d like a repeat performance at some point? When we’re both in the mood.”

“Sure,” Carrie said, more settled now that she’d realised this wasn’t a long windup to a rejection. “I’d like that. And I’ll try and be more vocal next time.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Honestly, I’m not sure what it was, but it didn’t feel human, whatever it was.” Carrie shivered again, remembering the cold and slimy feel of its thoughts. “Thankfully, Chris had seemed to be able to hurt it, though we’re still not quite sure how. And then, well, I was able to hurt its body.” It had promised retribution from its siblings and mother before it had died, but Carrie figured that Sue didn’t need to know about that. She’d just worry and, well, it wasn’t as though they didn’t already have pursuers anyway.

“Wow,” Sue said quietly. “I wonder what else is lying underneath the surface of the world like that. I mean, first your gifts, then ghosts, now this?”

“Maybe that’s why the Lord gave me them?”

“Maybe,” Sue said. “But most importantly, the both of you are fine?”

“A few scratches and a little shaken, but otherwise, sure.” Maybe a little more than shaken, certainly at the time, but telling Sue that would just make her worry unnecessarily.

“Good,” Sue said emphatically. “So, anyway, how’s it working out with Chris?” she asked in a teasing tone of voice in what had to be a deliberate change of topic.

“I’m surprised that you haven’t gotten that from her already.”

“Well, I’ve got what she’d share of her side, but you know how she is. Feelings? What are those? So I want to know what you think as well.”

“I… It seems to be going well? I think? We’ve done it a few times, and I seem to be getting the hang of things and she, well, she seems to be getting the hang of me.”

“Is that a smile I hear in your face? Do you like her?”

It was just a dull ache now, hearing Sue talk like that about her and Chris, as opposed to her and Sue. But maybe that was just the way it was going to be from now on. “Yeah, I like her. I thought you already knew that.” Not like she liked Sue, but she could no longer tell whether to was more or less, just different. “We’re not going steady or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking. And, well…”

“Well?”

“It’s not important, but she’s not really the staying around kind. I guess I just miss that, someone in the bed next to me. Not that she hasn’t stayed if I’ve needed her,” she added hurriedly. “But it’s just not really her kind of thing.”

Not like it had been with Sue.

From the long silence on Sue’s end, she might have been thinking of that too. “I’m sorry,” she said eventually.

“Don’t worry. I’m not.” She liked Chris just the way she was, and her restless energy was so much part of her, Carrie didn’t know what she’d be like without it. “So, how are things with you?”

“Miriam’s got it into her head that Duncan’s going to propose to her — which he probably is at some point, but I don’t think just yet — so she’s decided to help things along a bit by organising picnics for the two of them at every romantic spot she can think of, ‘just in case.’”

That… seemed entirely in character from what she knew of her. “And how’s Duncan taking this?”

“In surprising good humour actually. Rob, on the other hand, had decided that it’s his life’s mission to make as many ambiguous comments that could be about Duncan thinking about engagement as he can.”

“That seems a little mean.”

“It might be if Miriam wasn’t completely onto him. Every time he does it, Miriam just narrows her eyes at him and growls.” Sue chuckled before carrying on about the latest day to day life in Braintree.

Carrie knocked on the door when she finally got back to her room.

“Number?” Chris called from inside.

Carrie reached out and touched her mind. “Five point one three,” she replied. Normally Chris wasn’t a big fan of Carrie doing that, but they were both on edge a little after the events of the recent case.

“So how was Sue?” Chris asked after letting Carrie in.

“Once she’d gotten over the worry about us… happy to inform me about Miriam’s latest drama. Hey!” she said as Chris bounced a ping-pong ball off her nose.

“Just keeping you on your toes.” Chris made a face. “Especially after today.” She looked pointedly at the ball still bouncing across the floor, not being caught by Carrie. “Apparently you need it.”

Carrie rubbed her elbow, wincing as she pressed against abraded flesh under her shirt “That wasn’t my fault,” she said quietly.

“Fuck you,” Chris said, then grabbed Carrie in a sudden, rough hug. “What the hell do you think I’m going to do without you?”

“Drive whatever that was off all by yourself apparently.”

“I really don’t want to have to count on that.” Chris pushed herself away so she was holding Carrie at arms’ length, looking at her assessingly, with a bit of heat in her gaze. “So, feeling up to making an apology of another kind? Because I’m up for making the most of being alive and I’m not really feeling like trawling the local bar.”

Carrie couldn’t help her stomach squirming a little in reflexive response to the look in Chris’ eyes. “Maybe?” she said, her head not quite in the same place as certain other parts of her from the sudden whiplash change of subjects.

Chris slipped two fingers under Carrie’s chin, angling her mouth up slightly, and leaned in so her mouth was just a few inches away from Carrie’s. “Can I get an advance on maybe?” she asked in a low voice, her breath ghosting across Carrie’s lips.

And, oh, maybe Carrie should be ashamed of how quickly Chris could do this to her, but she was only flesh. She leaned forward the last few inches and pressed her lips to Chris’.

Things were progressing very nicely, with Chris looking up at her, cheeks flushed, eyes dark, when Chris spoke something other than gasps, encouragements and the very occasional endearment. “I… was thinking we could try something else tonight. If you’d be up for it.”

“Sure.” Carrie was fairly sure she’d do anything with Chris looking at her like that.

“Could you…?” Chris eyes flickered away, and her cheeks darkened further. “Do you think you could lift me up with your power? Maybe hold me against the wall so I can’t move?”

Carrie froze. She’d tried to avoid even thinking about using her power on Chris that way, not since the blowup and the knife. She… She couldn’t think when she was pressed up against Chris like this. She rolled off the bed, getting to her feet and looking down at Chris.

“Are you… You didn’t want me to do that to you. Are you alright? Can I… Did that thing do something to you?”

Chris gave a dry chuckle and got to her own feet, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared Carrie in the eyes. “I wish was something so easy, something I could blame on something else. This is… something I’ve wanted for a while, it’s just… seeing you throw that thing away like you did today, I… You know you’re damn sexy when you’re confident like that.”

“I wasn’t confident,” Carrie whispered, her mind racing. Chris, the woman who was always so confident, so independent, the most aggressive of them, wanted Carrie to do this to her?

“Never admit that, and there’s a good chance the world will go along with you,” Chris said then her eyes skittered away. “It was just an idea. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

“But you do want me to,” Carrie murmured, more to herself than Chris. She… It didn’t sound like something that Chris would enjoy, but then again Chris had already taught her so much. “I guess we can try it if you want, see how it goes?”

Chris’ gaze turned back so quickly it was almost comical. “Yes,” she hissed before obviously composing herself. “Sounds good, White. Let’s go for it.”

Carrie reached forward and lifted Chris as gently as she could, then pressed her against the wall. “Is this alright?” she asked worriedly.

Chris tugged against her hold and Carrie dropped her instantly. “Sorry,” Carrie said.

Chris gave her an aggravated look. “No, that was great. I just…” She waved a hand around in the air. “I just needed to make sure. I’ll tell you if I want you to let me go!”

“Okay, if you’re sure.” Carrie lifted her up and started again.

There was, Carrie had to admit, something intensely hot about having Chris like this, helpless in her grasp. Chris, who had been the shining icon of power for as long as Carrie could remember. Chris, who she quickly discovered, she could make writhe helplessly with just the ghost of a touch against her dirty pillow, beg for more if she slid her hand down there. It was… Carrie had never known that she could want something like this, let alone that Chris could.

By the end, she was aching so much, was so wet, Chris hardly had to touch her to make the world shiver around her with light.

“That… was a good start,” Chris murmured sleepily, when they were each in their own beds afterwards. She aimed a sloppy smile at Carrie, visible in the slice of light visible from the street through the ill-fitting curtains of the motel room. “But I bet we can do better next time.”

Carrie… just couldn’t even.

* * *

Chris pushed the door shut behind them and looked Carrie up and down lasciviously. “So, think there’s enough time for a quick fuck before we go out for dinner?”

Something in Carrie responded to how Chris was looking at her, wanted to respond by twining herself about Chris, maybe kissing her. But another part of her felt kind of like it was shrivelling under the attention, like a bug scurrying away from the sun. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate it, but Chris was insatiable, seemingly wanting to do it every day, sometimes more than once a day, and… and…

It wasn’t as though this morning had been bad, exactly. But she hadn’t really been able to lose herself in the activity, her mind had kept on flitting off like a nervous bird, darting back to what had happened the day before, and when it had come time for her to be touched, she had been oversensitive to an uncomfortable degree. But Chris had been so caught up in returning the favour that she hadn’t had the heart to say anything and had just tried her best to fake things.

“I was thinking of phoning Sue now?” slipped out of her mouth.

Chris looked disappointed, but shrugged, turning back to her bag and taking out some toiletries. “Okay. I guess I’ll just have to clean up by myself and find out what there is around here. Give her my love.”

Carrie escaped, found a pay phone and fed some quarters in. “Hi, Sue,” she said softly when the phone was picked up.

“Carrie! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you again so soon.” A beat. “You haven’t seen those agents again, have you?”

And everything that Carrie had been trying not to think of rushed back. “I don’t actually know they were DSI.”

Sue made a noise, like she didn’t quite believe her, and Carrie had to agree. They’d certainly felt that way, their minds all cold angles and purpose.

“Anything more about who they were after?”

“No.” Carrie bit her lip. “No one around there seemed to know who Charlie McGee is. At least as far as we’ve been able to find out. I don’t think even the agents know if she’s here. I haven’t been able to sense anything either.” Not that she was completely sure she’d know what to look for in the first place. She’d never touched a mind like hers in that way. As far as she knew, at least. “We’ve gotten out of the area, just in case the agents came back, so…” The words felt like an admission of failure, no matter how much she told herself that sticking around wouldn’t do any good. How much Chris agreed.

“At least you’re safe.”

“Yes, I suppose.”

Silence reigned between them for a few minutes, and as twisted up inside as Carrie felt — for various reasons — she couldn’t deny that it was nice like this, hearing Sue’s breaths in her ear, able to close her eyes and pretend, just for a few moments, that they were back together, maybe bare inches apart,

“So,” Sue asked, in a lighter tone. “If you didn’t have any more news on that front, what did you ring me up about?”

Carrie relaxed, hearing the smile in Sue’s voice. “Maybe I just wanted to speak with you again.”

“And I’m certainly not complaining.”

“Thanks.” Carrie paused, not quite sure about what she was going to talking about, why she was phoning Sue at all apart from just needing to get some space.

“Is anything wrong?”

“No. Well, not really. Not much?” Carrie flushed as she realised that she was rapidly sliding towards trying to tell Sue what was whirling through her mind. Not that it’d be fair to Sue, no matter how supportive she was being. Not that Carrie really had anything to complain about, really.

“Not much?” Sue echoed gently.

And Carrie couldn’t help it. “Chris just wants sex all the time. And it’s good, it really is, even if…” She blushed.

“I still can’t imagine Chris submitting like that to anyone,” Sue mused. “I’m not sure that it’d work for me as much as having to tussle with her.” A throaty note entered her voice. “Not that I’d mind a demonstration, of course. If you wouldn’t mind,” she added quickly. “I’m not trying to put any pressure on you.”

Carrie was half convinced her face had cycled through red and was now glowing white-hot by this point. “I’d have to ask,” she mumbled. And she wasn’t sure she’d be comfortable with it herself, not really. Chris was so… vulnerable like that, she couldn’t help feeling protective of her. Even from someone she trusted as much as Sue.

“Sorry. Anyway, you were saying — even if?”

Oh, right. “Well…” Carrie felt kind of like an awful person for even thinking this. It’d been what she wanted for so long after all, and it wasn’t as though she didn’t like it, but… “It’s kind of a bit too much? I don’t know if Chris was just joking, but it sometimes feels like we’d have sex morning and night and sometimes in between if she had her way, and…”

And there was a part of Carrie that just withered up and died at the thought of that. It was like there was a tap inside of her that took its sweet time to refill the glass she needed to enjoy sex. Maybe Chris had the same thing, only her tap was turned full on instead of the dribble that Carrie’s was set to.

“Chris certainly does have healthy appetites,” Sue said, sounding fond and a bit wistful, and Carrie couldn’t help remembering the volcano that existed between her and Chris whenever they were in the same place, and felt even more inadequate.

“She’s even joked about giving other people up, because they can’t measure up to what I do to her,” she admitted quietly.

“Really? Wow,” Sue said equally mutedly, and Carrie wanted to reassure her, but didn’t quite have the words. It wasn’t that Carrie was special or anything, it was just… Well. Her talents, that was all. Nothing about Carrie at all.

“Is it wrong that I’m not sure I want that?”

“Oh, no, Carrie, of course not,” Sue rushed to reassure her. There was a brief pause, and then she added, “Why don’t you just talk to her about this? I’m sure she’d understand.” Though the way she hesitated didn’t speak as to how sure she was.

“I just… Things are good at the moment, and I don’t want to disturb that.”

“Oh, Carrie,” Sue said in a way that sounded like a hug, and Carrie suddenly wished that she was there with her right now, able to feel Sue’s arms around her. “I’ve been there, I’ve felt that way, with Tommy and… I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling, but it doesn’t seem like a conversation you can hold off forever, and it probably won’t get better if you leave it a while.”

“Maybe,” Carrie allowed.

A soft sigh like static. “Well, just think about it.”

“So, what’s been happening with you since yesterday?” Carrie asked and, thankfully, Sue allowed the change of subject. There’d been a meet up with Elena — one of Miriam’s friends — after work where apparently she’d been loudly complaining about yet another case of her male coworkers not knowing anything yet still managing to get all of the credit for all of her hard work.

“Some day she swears she’ll get recognition,” Sue said. “Someday.”

There was the clink of Carrie’s last coin falling. “I’m rooting for her,” she said. “It’s been real nice talking with you, Sue. Speak to you in a few days?”

“I’d love that,” Sue said. “Just so you know, I’ll be out tomorrow evening and maybe the evening after, so you won’t be able to get ahold of me if you phone around this time. So maybe it’s time to have that talk with Chris, since you won’t be able to escape in my direction.”

Carrie gave the phone a long suffering look. “I’ll think about it.”

“Do that.”

They lingered over their goodbyes until there was a click and Carrie was left listening to silence. She took a deep breath and headed back to their room. She knew Sue was right, she did, but it didn’t make the thought of the conversation any easier, a formless fear in the pit of her stomach that just got stronger as she approached the motel room door.

Chris looked up from a magazine as Carrie opened the door. “Not a good conversation?” she asked. “Anything wrong with Sue?”

Carrie opened her mouth to lie, to try and spin some story about how Sue had had a bad day at work or something, but couldn’t do it. Chris would be able to read any untruth or prevarication off her face, she just knew it. “It’s not that,” she muttered to the floor. “It’s just… I’m not sure I like sex as much as you do.”

Chris was suddenly sitting up, all attention. “I thought you said that you were okay with this!” She stopped, bit her lip, then continued in a much calmer tone of voice. “It’s fine if you’re not. I know it’s…” she waved a hand in the air. “You don’t have to pretend or anything.”

“It’s not that. It’s not that I don’t like doing things like that with you.” Far from it, though she wasn’t quite sure what to do with the fact that she liked seeing Chris so helpless before her like that so much. “It’s just… maybe not so much? It’s all getting a bit much at the moment,” she admitted quietly.

Chris relaxed. “Okay, sure. I can work with that.” She blinked a bit. “So you do enjoy it, you just don’t want to do it as much? It’s good, but you’re having too much fun?”

Carrie squirmed a little. “Something like that. Like, I don’t know, that time when Sue decided that I should try Black Forest Gateau because I’d never had a cake for my birthday before.” Chris wrinkled her nose at the reminder of that little catastrophe, and the days it had taken to get the smell out of the car. “Not as bad as that, but maybe more like… I don’t know, I’ve had a nice meal, but now I’m feeling full and don’t want to eat anything more?”

Not really, but it was the best food related analogy she could think of now that she’d started heading down that road.

“Huh,” Chris said. “Okay. I guess I can get that.”

“You don’t have to stop seeing other people, if you don’t want to,” Carrie added shyly.

“You sure? You don’t have to offer that up just because you don’t want sex as much as me.”

“I really don’t mind.” And she really didn’t, though she was still a little surprised about that. It was nothing like how she’d been when she had still been fighting with Chris over Sue. It didn’t matter what Chris did with randoms as they passed through a town. Chris would be leaving with her in the morning, and that was the most important thing as far as she was concerned.

Chris gave her a half smile. “Okay. I just might take you up on that. So, want me to head out by myself now?”

Carrie gave her a bright smile back, feeling so light it was like she could almost take off. They’d had the conversation and it all hadn’t gone horribly wrong. “Maybe later? I mean, just because I don’t want to have sex with you at the moment, it doesn’t mean I don’t want you around.”

Chris stared at her for a moment like she’d just said something ridiculous, but before Carrie could feel too self conscious, the half smile notched itself up to a small, but whole one. “Sure. I can run with that. So, what do you want to do now?”

Carrie shrugged. “Maybe we can talk about it over dinner?”

* * *

The room was quiet apart from Chris turning the pages of her new book, a car manual she’d picked up second hand in the last town they’d been in. Not for their car, of course, but picking them up, making notes and selling them on again had become something of a habit for her. She was propped up on her front, shapely legs waving lazily in the air, toned butt a pleasant crescent outlined against the wall.

Carrie bit her lip, twining a strand of hair around one finger, a low heat starting to burn. “Hey,” she said.

Chris spared her a glance before looking back down at her book. “Yeah?”

Carrie shrugged. “Feel like indulging in some sex this evening?” Just saying the words still felt a little dirty, like something Momma would have hit her for. But not in a bad way.

This time Chris’ look was long, lingering, with an absolutely filthy smile on her lips. “You know me. Always up for a little fun. Anything you particularly in the mood for.”

“Just the usual.” Their usual, now. She flexed her mind, lifted Chris up and towards the wall. And, wow, the way that Chris’ eyes went almost instantly dark at her slightest touch never failed to make her feel tight and warm.

“Hey,” Chris said, her words already starting to slur a little. “Hey. There’s something… something that I’ve been talking with Sue about. Do you think… do you think that you could call me some names?”

“Names?”

“Bitch. Whore. Slut. The kind of names I used to use in school.”

The kind of names that Chris used to aim at her, among other people. While Carrie digested on that, she started to pull the clothes off Chris just using her mind and, wow, she’d really rather become good at that. Soon Chris was naked in frontof her, spread eagled against the wall, breathing rapidly, blinking in the light that now seemed brighter than it had been.

Oh, right.

It was the work of a thought to turn on a bedside lamp and then turn off the main lights, casting the room into shadow.

Carrie reached out and trailed her hand gently across Chris’ stomach, who twitched and writhed under her touch, but apparently remained aware enough to let forth a small grumbling noise. Oh yes, Chris wanted her to be mean at the moment, not nice.

“Bitch,” she said experimentally, seeing how the word felt in her mouth. She wasn’t sure that Chris was impressed but, well, there were other things she could do about that. She floated Chris over to the bed, spinning her around in the air so that she was horizontal, face down. Then Carrie slapped her on the buttocks, hard enough that the palm of Carrie’s hand stung, and Chris let out a whimper that left Carrie wanting to cross her own legs to apply pressure, give herself some relief.

Not that she would, of course, not yet. This was Chris’ time.

She struck her again and again, varying the places she hit until Chris’ flesh started to redden pleasantly. “Whore,” she tried. “Slut.” And it certainly seemed to please Chris, judging by the way she reacted as Carrie continued. But Carrie couldn’t help flinching every time she used that kind of language with Chris. Maybe it was because she was spanking Chris at the same time, but it felt like she was punishing Chris, trying to pay her back for the way she had been treated at school and…

That wasn’t what she wanted to do. Wasn’t what she wanted to think about when she was with Chris, certainly like this. Just the thought made her stomach twist, and not in a good way. So she made a decision and stopped, giving Chris’ clit a gentle mental caress by way of apology.

And, oh, it looked like Chris was ready for that now too, so Carrie pressed into her with her mind, all the while continuing the regular slaps across Chris’ backside and thighs, driving her to an incoherent mess before she finally let her climax. And then she guided Chris until she was on her hands and knees, eating Carrie out.

Despite all the pleasure and the fireworks, the best part came later, when Chris was coming out of wherever she went when Carrie did her job well, the only guaranteed moments when Chris would let Carrie hold her in her arms, stroke her hair, press close mouthed kisses to her cheek and forehead, murmur endearments in a way that would normally make Chris utter a sardonic retort. Sometimes, like tonight apparently, Chris’ eyes would even dampen. Not bad tears apparently, but they still made Carrie feel protective and powerful in a way she didn’t know what to do with.

Finally, Chris stretched and twisted out of her arms and Carrie knew it was over. Not that she was complaining, happy and sated and relaxed in a way where she certainly didn’t want to move. “Was that good?”

“Great,” Chris said in a way that seemed to be half purr. “But I really need to go get some more water.” It was an excuse Carrie knew, but not a bad one.

Carrie nerved herself up to say something. “I didn’t like calling you names.”

“Okay,” Chris said as she ran the tap to refill the glass.

“Okay?”

Chris shrugged. “I liked it, but you didn’t. So we won’t do it again. Okay.,” she said before gulping down water.

“Thank you,” Carrie said, the tension leaving her body, before ducking her head halfway beneath the covers with shyness. Which was ridiculous given what they’d just been doing, what she’d just been doing. But she couldn’t help smiling either.

Okay.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the large gap in posting. Good news is that I've finished the first draft for the rest of the story (weighing in at almost 45K in total) so posting should be a lot more frequent from this point forth.

Carrie was nibbling on some toast and a fried egg on when Chris came back into the diner after her call with Sue, slid in beside her at the booth, picked up the fork and immediately started helping herself to the rest of her breakfast, shovelling beans efficiently into her mouth. Carrie could feel the warmth of her pressed into Carrie’s side, safe, platonic, the only kind of touch they allowed themselves when they were in public.

“So,” Chris said after finishing the remnants of a sausage. “Fancy taking a trip to Braintree?”

“What happened? Is Sue alright? Has she had an accident?”

“Relax,” Chris said. “Nothing like that. Just… the Rob bomb has finally dropped and I thought, you know, you’d probably want to be there for her,” Chris said, studiously avoiding Carrie’s gaze.

Oh. Rob. Carrie couldn’t help wondering what Sue’s response had been. Had she decided to go along with it, dating him to keep her friend group happy? Had things gone sour already? How bad was it with her, if Chris was this worried? She resisted the urge to get up and try and phone Sue right now — looking at the time, she’d probably gone to work already.

“Okay, we’ll go.” Carrie said, already starting to poke at Chris’ side. The sooner they started, the sooner they’d be there, after all.

Chris groaned, but allowed herself to be pushed from the booth after claiming the last sausage.

The car ride to Braintree was long, cold and monotonous. Winter had well and truly arrived, and Carrie had already not been looking forward to spending long months alternating between shivering in the car and shivering in whatever cheap accommodation they could afford. Still, she’d never thought that she’d enjoy driving. Still didn’t anywhere as much as Chris did, but there was a measure of peace in seeing the endless miles being eaten up under the wheels, something calming in leaving everything behind them. A certain tension in knowing they were heading back to somewhere they’d already been, even if nothing had gone wrong there yet. For them at least. Sue had sounded so quiet and lifeless the time she’d phoned her — told Carrie not to worry, of course — that…

Well, despite the jitteriness, she couldn’t help perking up as they passed the Braintree city limits.

Sue wasn’t outside waiting for them this time, not that Carrie was really expecting her to be of course. Probably just as well considering the bite in the air, anyway. Chris took point as they headed towards the apartment block and pressed the buzzer. A pause. Silence. She’d told Sue what time she thought they were going to arrive. Sue hadn’t said anything about being there, but then she hadn’t said that she be out, either. Carrie couldn’t help it, she reached out with her mind, feeling for Sue’s presence and…

There was a click from the intercom. “Hello?” asked Sue’s voice, small and cautious, just like how her mind felt.

“Is that any way to welcome your old friends?” Chris asked laconically.

“It’s that time already? Oh, sorry. Come in.” There was a buzz and the door released.

“Well, isn’t this a mute testament to misery,” Chris remarked while walking around Sue’s apartment like it was a crime scene. A crumpled up blanket on the side of a stuffed chair that Sue had obviously been curled up in prior to them arriving, dirty plates and empty takeout containers scattered on the scuffed coffee table in front of it.

Sue looked away then started to quickly grab plates and boxes. Carrie hesitated for a moment before reaching forward and quickly hugging her. “Let us take care of it,” she whispered into Sue’s ear before releasing her and doing her best to take the debris off Sue.

“You really don’t have to,” Sue tried to protest, but Carrie managed to hush her by placing a finger on her lips.

“Let us do this for you.”

“I’d be depressed too if that was what I’d had to eat the last few days,” Chris added, heading into the kitchen and started rooting through the cupboards and the fridge, occasionally muttering, “Really? Really?” to no one in particular.

Carrie quickly washed the plates and cutlery, put them in the draining rack and threw away the rubbish, then quickly ran around the living room with a vacuum cleaner. She stopped briefly to wrap Sue up in the blanket, sneaking in another hug while she did so.

“Okay, I’m going out to get some supplies, since you’re obviously incapable of looking after yourself in this state,” Chris informed Sue. “Anything in particular you want me to grab for you?”

“Maybe some more tissues? I’ve been kind of going through them.”

“Noted.” Chris turned to leave.

“Oh and if Rob is on shift? Try to be kind. For me?”

Chris made a face. “No promises,” she said as she got up and started getting ready to leave.

“She’s been really worried about you,” Carrie said, taking a seat on the arm of the chair next to her. Close enough to offer comfort, but not too close. Hopefully.

Sue gave her a wan smile. “I’m beginning to realise that. It’s really good to see her, see both of you.” She put the arm closest to Carrie up on the back of the chair, open enough that Carrie could fit herself into Sue’s side if she wanted, and Carrie gladly relaxed into the invitation.

“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Sue sighed and huddled in on herself. “Can we leave it, just for a bit? Why don’t you tell me some of the things that have been happening to the two of you that you haven’t gotten around to telling me just yet?”

“Sure,” Chris said. “I can tell you about the time that Carrie was so tired she decided to give her fork a little extra help getting to her mouth and ended up decorating her face with food.”

Carrie groaned and hid her face in Sue’s arm. “I thought you promised that you weren’t going to tell anyone about that.”

“Damn. Another broken promise. How will I ever cope?” Chris drawled sarcastically, but it was alright, because she felt Sue quiver with a suppressed laugh. “And on that note…” She left the apartment.

They chatted like that for a few hours, Chris joining back in upon her return as though she’d never left — Carrie getting her revenge on Chris by retelling a few of her mishaps, Sue offering up a few of her own embarrassing moments from year past — before Sue, much more relaxed, sighed and said, “I guess I better tell you what happened. It wasn’t anything I shouldn’t have seen coming. My own fault, really. There were plans for four of us to go to a concert a couple of towns over, but at the last minute the other two pulled out, leaving just me and Rob. I guess he did keep close to me all night — pressed up against me, honestly —but I didn’t really think about it. It was packed in the venue and, well, I was bouncing along to the music.” There was a slight smile on her face. “I think you would have liked it as well, Chris. I got you one of the tapes they were selling.”

“Thanks,” Chris said laconically, but Carrie was fairly sure that she was actually touched, in her own way.

I’m not sure if it would be your kind of thing, though, Carrie,” she said a little apologetically.

“I won’t know unless I try,” Carrie said, trying for optimism. But Sue was probably right. She had a good gauge on Carrie’s tastes after having shared a car with her for those many months. Doubtless she’d still be hearing it anyway when Chris had control of the radio and they didn’t have anything better to listen to. “So what happened then?”

Sue hunched in on herself. “Nothing, really. He kissed me as we were making our way back to his car and got pissed when I made it clear I wasn’t into him like that. You know, just the usual thing about how I’m frigid and have been leading him on.” She shrugged. “I thought he’d get over it, but he hasn’t yet. Miriam’s taken his side and with her… Well, I guess it’s only natural. They’ve known him a lot longer than they’ve known me.”

“Nothing really,” Chris echoed darkly, and Carrie’s guts knotted at the suggestion in her voice, anger pulsing in her head. She could almost feel the loose objects around the room and had to restrain herself from moving them around.

“He was just a bit persistent, but he got the message after I pushed him away. I don’t want you to make any trouble with him. I’ve still got to live here, unless…” Sue shook her head, not looking at either of them. “I’ve still got to live here.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I won’t lay a finger on him.”

Sue glared at her. “I mean it. And you too, Carrie. I don’t want either of you doing anything to him.”

She wanted to tell Sue no, that Rob deserved to pay for what he’d done. That he shouldn’t be able to treat any girl like that, let alone Sue.

But Sue was right. She did live here, and this was something that had happened to her, and Carrie didn’t want to take any more power away from her. “Okay,” she muttered.

Sue kept on staring at Chris until there was a muttered, “Fine.”

“Thank you,” Sue said. “Both of you. I know… I know how I’d feel if something like that happened to either of you, but… I don’t want that. Not on my account. And I really do appreciate, more than I can say, that you dropped everything to come look after me like this.”

The anger within Carrie receded, leaving concern and affection in its wake. “Of course we did, Sue. You couldn’t keep us from your side if you needed it.”

“Yeah,” Chris said. “There would have been no living with Carrie if I hadn’t picked up sticks then and there.” Sometimes she was so full of shit.

“So,” Sue said, her tone artificially bright and sunny. “Have I mentioned that I’ve actually gotten rather good at baking since I saw you last? Anyone fancy trying my latest efforts?”

Chris regarded her skeptically. “Morbidly curious,” she said, getting to her feet. “Let’s see what frankensteinian monstrosities you’ve managed to create.”

“Hey,” Sue said, lightly slapping her on the arm, a more genuine smile on her face. “I’m not that bad.”

“So you say, Snell. So you say,” Chris said, following her into the kitchen, Carrie trailed after.

* * *

Sue unsuccessfully stifled a yawn. “Well, I guess I better get to bed then.” She offered the other two a small but genuine smile. “Thanks for coming, both of you.”

“No problem,” Chris said lazily. She raised an eyebrow. “Want some company tonight?”

Sue hesitated. Her eyes flickered towards Carrie. “No, thanks. Maybe tomorrow?”

“You don’t… I really don’t mind if you do, honestly,” Carrie said. Not that she’d mind in general, but anything she could do to help Sue feel better…

“Thanks,” Sue said. “I’m not really in the mood, though.” She started off towards her room, lingering at the doorway.

Chris gave Carrie a pointed look. When that failed to provoke a response, she called after Sue, “I’m sure Carrie would be happy to be your snuggle buddy for the night if you want. You’ll be doing her a favour. God knows I’m rarely in the mood for her tactility.”

Sue hesitated, gave a cautious look over one shoulder at Carrie. “You wouldn’t mind? I’m…” she shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind not being alone tonight.”

“Of course,” Carrie said, leaping to her feet. She tried hard not to think about how much a part of her was leaping at the opportunity. Had wanted to be able go to sleep with Sue next to her once again. _This isn’t about you and what you want_ , she told herself firmly. _This is about Sue._

“You really sure about this?” Sue asked quietly when they were both in the bedroom, as she hovered uncertainly in front of her bed.

Carrie risked resting a hand on one of Sue’s briefly. “I’m certain if you are.” _You don’t have to worry about me getting the wrong idea_ , she added silently.

Sue nodded, as though she’d heard Carrie’s unspoken addendum.

Curling up to Sue again felt weird on the one hand after being with Chris for several months. Sue didn’t have a very limited patience for contact, shifting uncomfortably if there was anything more than just an arm laid loosely over her. Not even that, more often than not. Sue, on the other hand, curled into Carrie, pressing her back tight against Carrie’s front, relaxing with a little sigh into the contact and… and… Carrie hadn’t realised how much she’d missed this over the last year. So much so that the sheer relief almost made her sniffle.

 _No_ , she told herself. _This isn’t about you. This is about Sue._

And yet, and yet… she was almost certain that she had a smile on her lips as she sunk into dreamless sleep.

* * *

Carrie was in the middle of letting out the hems of a nice velvet dress in time for a Christmas party next month — a job Sue had already managed to line up for her despite her current exile — when the entrance buzzer sounded. From the surprise on Sue’s face, it didn’t seem to be something she was expecting and fear wormed its way into her belly.

They might have only been here a few days, but this was the third time they’d visited Braintree. Maybe the government had just been waiting for them to return to spring the trap shut on them.

She reached out with her mind, but there was only one person down there, a tight nervous knot in their mind, but no preparation for violence. No one concentrating on this apartment that she could sense either. And there was no one she could sense around the back of the building, so they could always escape that way.

So it was probably safe. Probably.

By the time she’d done all that, Sue had already made her way to the intercom and pressed it.

“Hello?”

“Zoe? It’s Duncan. Can you buzz me in?”

One of Sue’s ex-friends. Chris sat up, a dark look on her face, mirroring how Carrie felt, though she was careful to keep her power on a tight leash. The last thing Sue needed was damage to her apartment.

“Just say the word, and I’ll have him out on his ass,” Chris said, in the kind of joking way that meant she was completely serious.

“Maybe see what he has to say before going full attack dog?” Sue said, before giving Chris a small grateful smile. “Thanks though.”

There was a knock at the door. “Hi,” Duncan said when Sue opened it. “Ah, I see you’ve already got guests.”

“Yes, well, Sue’s needed friends the last few days. Not that you’d know anything about that,” Chris said archly.

Sue shot her a quelling look,but Duncan had the grace to look a little embarrassed. “That’s kind of why I’m here. I wanted to get your side on what went down.”

“How generous of you.”

“Really not helping,” Sue said, full on glaring at Chris before softening her expression as she turned towards Duncan. “I don’t know what Rob has told you, but here what I understood.” She went to give a somewhat softened version of the tale she’d given to us.

When she got to the bit about her pushing Rob away, Carrie reached for her hand almost involuntarily, twining her fingers around Sue’s. To his marginal credit, Duncan did look a little pissed at that part.

“So you didn’t say anything about not wanting to date him because he was going to be stacking shelves for the rest of his life?”

Sue’s jaw dropped. “Did anyone actually think I’d say something like that? It’s not as though I’m in a position to throw stones.”

Duncan glanced away, not meeting her gaze. “You’re from out of town. East coast by the sounds of it. Sure you’re staying here for now, but… There’s debate about how long you’ll be staying for.”

“Oh,” Sue said quietly. “That’s… I’ve been trying to make a life here.” Carrie squeezed her hand — she would always be here for her, as much as she was able — and Sue returned the pressure.

“Sorry.”

There was a short, uncomfortable pause. “I take that you also didn’t accuse him of only being friends with the rest of us just because he’s Miriam’s pity project?”

“No!” Sue said emphatically. “I’ve never said that. Never even thought it. Is that…?”

Duncan shrugged. “I didn’t think that sounded like you. But it’s a part of Rob and Miriam’s whole thing, and she knows how sensitive he is on the subject, so she’s really pissed that anyone would throw that in his face.”

If he was like that about it, why would he bring it up if Sue didn’t say it? Carrie didn’t understand. But Chris was nodding grimly as if she wasn’t surprised at all.

“Fuckhole,” she said grimly. Duncan made a face, but didn’t disagree.

Sue was so sunk within herself that she didn’t even “So, is that it?” Sue asked softly. “Am I out?”

“I like you,” Duncan said. “And I’d like to keep on hanging out, and maybe some of the others too, but Miriam… She and Rob have been friends since they were in kindergarten and she’s got a full head of steam about this.”

“I don’t want to cause any trouble between the two of you.”

“Thanks,” Duncan said, giving her a brief smile. “I guess… I guess I already knew what you were going to say, and it’s shit that you’ve been left out in the cold this way. I’ll see what I can do. No promises though.” He got up and started a kind of half shuffle in the direction of the door. “I probably should be going. It’s been nice to see you, and I’m glad you’ve got your people here for you.”

“It’s what friends do,” Chris said crisply.

Sue ignored her, getting up and seeing Duncan to the door. “Thanks. I really appreciate you coming around like this. See you around, maybe?”

“See you around,” he agreed, even if her didn’t sound completely certain about it. And then he was gone.

“Well, he’s about as much use as a spineless fish,” Chris said.

Sue glared at her. “At least he was trying, which was more than I could say some people were doing.”

“Sorry,” Chris said, not sounding apologetic at all. “But did you see the way that he was stammering around his girlfriend? He straight up knew that that asshole was lying, but didn’t do anything about it for days until he could shuffle around here offering some mealy mouthed platitudes.”

“At least he was here. At least he might be here for more than the odd week every half year,” Sue said, trying to stare a hole through Chris.

Chris mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like, “Might as well not be.”

Before Sue could pick up on that, Carrie interjected, “So it’s good news, then? You’re going to have your friends around here again?”

When Sue turned back to face her, she had tears in her eyes. “Yeah,” she said, emotion knotting her voice. “I guess so.”


	10. Chapter 10

The tension in the apartment was palpable for hours, all the way up until Chris backed Sue into the bedroom and had loud sex with her. Afterwards, Chris had a spring in her step and a smirk on her face and even Sue seemed more settled.

“How can you have sex when you’re mad at each other like that?” she asked Sue when they were curled up in bed that night, far too acutely aware of the still lingering musky scent in the room and the feel of Sue’s back against her breasts.

Sue thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Honestly? That’s the way it’s already been between us. Did I ever tell you about our first kiss?” Carrie shook her head and listened dumbfounded about how Chris’ attempt to blackmail Sue had turned into something completely different in a high school closet. “And it wasn’t something I’d ever thought I’d want, but there’s something to be said for passion — any passion — leading to heat in bed.”

Carrie mulled on that quietly, feeling a shard of cold hurt growing inside her. “Is that why you’ve never wanted to do it with me?” she asked when she couldn’t contain the words any longer. “Because I’ve never made you mad at me?”

It wasn’t a question she had any right to ask. Sue had never seemed interested in Carrie in that way, not really. Besides, Carrie was with Chris these days, kind of. But she had to know, because…. Because.

Sue froze for one breath, two, three before she twisted around in Carrie’s arms. Carrie could see the dull pits of her wide eyes in the dimness of the bedroom. “You know it’s not like that, Carrie. You know it’s not that I don’t want you, it’s just…” She seemed to run out of words.

“I don’t know any such thing.” The words came out a lot more bitter than she intended. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

Sue bit her lip and Carrie didn’t even need to use her gifts to feel the distress radiating off her. “I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like that. It’s not that I don’t want you… I do, sometimes it’s so hard to feel you next to me and not… It’s just… It’s just it’s never been the right time. I… I didn’t want to take advantage of you before we split up.” Apart from the time she did hovered between them like a poisonous cloud. “And after…” She shrugged helplessly.

“It’s still too soon,” Carrie said. “For me.” She stopped herself before she said, ‘But not for Chris,’ and certainly didn’t add, ‘And you tried to get me to kill her,’ but by the look on Sue’s face, she heard that too.

“It’s different with Chris,” Sue said quietly. “It’s… If things go bad with her, I can survive it. I like her — I really do now, thanks — but I’m not in love with her. Sex with her is really hot, but I can survive losing that. Losing her if things really go wrong. But you… You mean so much more to me.”

Carrie thought she should feel better now that she had an answer, but she didn’t. Couldn’t. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No. Don’t be sorry. If that’s the way you feel…” Carrie rolled away from her, unable to be this close to her without feeling disgusting for taking some kind of advantage. “I’m sorry. For pushing. You don’t owe me any explanations.”

Sue reached after her but let her hand fall short. “Of course I do. I’m sorry that I haven’t talked with you more about this, let you assume the worst. That’s on me, not you. I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” Carrie said, Sue’s distress echoing within her. “Please. Thank you for telling me now. And don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” She would be. It was a cold, icy disappointment now, but she’d recover.

It wasn’t that serious, really.

Sue gave her a wavering smile. “I know you will. Besides, now you’ve got Chris.”

“Yeah. Now I’ve got Chris.” And that should be enough. Was, really. She loved Chris, she was fairly sure she did. It might not be the same as she did Sue, but that didn’t mean it was less.

Just different.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?” she asked in a small voice. “I don’t want to bother you.”

“No,” Sue replied, equally quietly. “Would you mind staying here for tonight? If it wouldn’t make you too uncomfortable?”

Carrie released the breath she hadn’t realised that she’d been holding. “Of course not.” She was fairly sure. “Of course not.”

And, snuggling up to Sue, she relaxed into her warmth. This was most of what she wanted, anyway.

How selfish could she be that there was a part of her that begrudged that she didn’t have the rest?

* * *

Chris stretched luxuriously, yawned then popped some cereal in her mouth, crunching it loudly. “So, I’ve been thinking. It’s been a week. Sue’s got some of her friends back, part of the time at least. It’s time for us to be going.”

Carrie sneaked a look at Sue, who was taking especial interest in her bowl, practically huddling over it. On the one hand, she knew that Chris was right. They should be going. Who knew how much energy the DSI was still spending looking for them? And they could be out on the road, maybe doing a little good here and there.

On the other hand, everything still wasn’t right for Sue and Carrie wanted to be there for her. Travelling in winter was miserable at the best of times. And, well, completely selfishly, she did enjoy the increased amount of hugs and just touch generally she got when she was with Sue.

She couldn’t help feeling that at least some of the reason she wasn’t as eager to go this time was the way she’d been sleeping so much better now that she was in Sue’s bed, though.

“Maybe we could stay for a while longer? Just until everything is settled?”

Chris gave her an annoyed look. “And how long is that going to be exactly?” Carrie shrugged helplessly, and Chris rolled her eyes. “Great. It’s alright for you, keeping yourself busy by living out your domestic fantasies of shacking up with Sue and dressmaking to support yourself, but there’s fuck all for me to do around here and I’m already going stir crazy.”

“Sorry.” But she wasn’t entirely sure that she was, really. Not that she was happy with Chris feeling bad, but it was nice having both of the others there, all three of them in some kind of harmony.

Chris eyed her. “Fine,” she bit out.

“Fine?” She got a knot in her stomach from the tone.

“I can see you’ve made your decision, so: fine.” She got up and headed out.

Carrie half got to her feet, then looked back at Sue. “You don’t mind if we stay? Just for a little longer.” It might be selfish to ask, so selfish, but she couldn’t help asking. And there was no point getting into some kind of argument with Chris in the first place if Sue was looking to get rid of them anyway. If Chris had picked up on something that Carrie had missed.

Sue gave her a quick, slightly strained, smile. “Of course not.”

“Really?” she couldn’t help asking anxiously. “Because if you want us gone because of the danger — or any other reason, really — you just have to say the word.”

Sue got to her feet as well, went over and held Carrie’s hands, and Carrie couldn’t help marvelling again at how soft they were, so different to Chris’ more calloused ones. Not that she was generally the sort for handholding, but…

“Of course I don’t mind,” Sue reiterated more softly. “I’d like you to stay here for as long as you want.”

Something in Carrie couldn’t help melting at that. “Thank you,” she said, feeling like the words came out through warm taffy. Then she remembered the way Chris had torn out of here and the feeling disappeared. “I’m just going to…” she pointed at the door.

Sue waved her away. “Yes, of course.”

Chris was out of sight by the time Carrie made it to the front door, so Carrie reached out and followed the feel of Chris’ mind, finding her chatting up a storm on a payphone. Her feel by this point was a lot less prickly and when she waved Carrie away, Carrie nodded and headed around the corner to wait. She let her mind drift, first in a quick scan of the surroundings, then just more generally, basking in the humdrum feel of everyday life in the town. There was a part of her that wondered what it’d be like, to wake up to that every morning; whether that would have been her life if all this hadn’t happened.

“You didn’t have to wait,” Chris’ words broke into Carrie’s thoughts. She was propped up on the wall, looking at her and Carrie wondered how long she’d been like that.

She shrugged. “I didn’t like how we’d left things.” She gave Chris a slightly plaintive look. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m choosing Sue over you.”

Chris let out a bitter chuckle. “Of course you don’t.” She shook her head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that to come out like that,” she said in a more even tone. “I know you don’t. And you don’t have to. I just got off the phone with Gilpatrick. You know, the guy who owned that garage I worked at for a few days back when.” She shrugged. “He’s more than happy to have me come help him for however long you want to hang out here.”

Carrie couldn’t help the lurch in her stomach at Chris’ words. “You want to leave?” Me, she didn’t add.

Chris sighed, bumped shoulders and, well, she didn’t seem mad at Carrie at least. “No, not completely. It’s just… This is the longest I’ve been doing nothing ever since we left Chamberlain, and I’ve really lost my taste for it. Plus, the whole staying a stationary target thing isn’t doing much for me either. Gabriel says that no one’s been sniffing around there since shortly after we left, and presumably he’d know. Can you really say the same for here?”

No, Carrie privately admitted, the always present panic flaring within her. She checked around again, but no one seemed to be paying attention to them. “Not for certain. But there’s no one looking at us now.”

“And that’s great for those of us who can tell that, but me? There are times I’m practically crawling out of my skin here. And I know why you want to stick around, and I appreciate that. But me? I want to be off and preferably doing something to keep myself busy.”

Carrie sighed. “Okay.” She gave Chris a little smile. “If you’d feel happier there than here, then I’ll miss you, but…”

“Thanks, Carrie,” Chris said, a few conflicting emotions running over her face. She jerkily pushed herself up, then reached over and hugged her tightly. “Thanks.”

* * *

“So, how is it?” Sue asked with a hopeful smile.

Carrie contemplated the soup as she ate it. “Not bad,” she finally said. The carrot might be a little more mushy than she’d like, but the lamb was soft and tender, filling her belly with a meaty warmth. Maybe not as good as Chris would make, but…

“Thanks,” Sue said, and something about the way her eyes went a little distant suggested she was thinking the third member of their band as well.

“Certainly better than my bread,” Carrie said a little mournfully. She’d tried to bake it this afternoon as a surprise treat for Sue, but though it had at least risen, it was still fairly dense and a little damp in the middle.

Sue reached across the table, touching her briefly on the hand. “It’s not that bad. Certainly better than my first attempt. You’ll get better with practise.”

‘If you stay’ hung between them like an unspoken wall. Carrie couldn’t help quickly scanning around with her mind. Nothing out of the ordinary, just like every other time she’d checked. She tried to calm the spike of panic and just concentrate on the good things, like the still tingling spot on her hand that Sue’s casual touch had left. She still hadn’t gotten used to having someone just do that to her again. She kinda hoped that she wouldn’t, it was so nice.

Sue was sitting across from her, so calm as she ate her soup, nibbling on Carrie’s bread as she did so, that she couldn’t help asking, “How did you do it? Manage to stay here, go out even, without…” She shrugged. “I’ve only been here a few weeks, and I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin half the time.” And Sue had to go out for her jobs, didn’t even have Carrie’s gifts.

Sue sipped her soup and considered. “Well, in the beginning, it was because I had to. I needed money so I had to force myself to go to work every day. It felt like everyone was looking at me, like at any moment the light of recognition would go on in someone’s eyes and that’d be it. Some days I’d make it home and just burst into tears. But… it got better. Nothing happened and it slowly became clear that nothing would.” She gave Carrie a hopeful smile. “Nothing’s happened to you so far, has it?”

Carrie gave her a soft, anguished look. “It’s not the same. You know it’s not the same.” The government wasn’t looking for Sue quite as hard as it was looking for Carrie and now Chris. Maybe wasn’t looking for her at all now that DSI had almost caught up with the other two more than once.

Maybe that wasn’t fair, though. Maybe remaining quiet and hidden in the middle of nowhere would give them the best chance of of evading the DSI permanently.

She couldn’t take the risk, though. If they did find her, it wouldn’t just be her in danger. It’d be Sue, too.

The phone rang. It was Chris. Carrie and Sue huddled around the handset as she filled them in about what was new with her. Business was booming at Gilpatrick’s, apparently, and she seemed genuinely happy that she was learning more about engines and transmissions and suchlike than Carrie ever really had much of an interest in learning.

“Had dinner with Gabriel last night. Man can cook a few things surprisingly well,” she said with a leer in her tone that made it abundantly clear that food was definitely not all she was talking about.

“Yeah?” Sue asked with a smile on her face. “Anything you want to share?”

“Well, if you insist…”

Carrie tuned out of the conversation, a hard knot forming in her stomach, an objection to what Chris was doing that was completely unfair. She was the one that had insisted that Chris could carry on with whoever she wanted and they weren’t even in the same place at the moment besides. What did she expect? It wasn’t as though Chris hadn’t talked about Gabriel with fondness on the rare occasion she’d brought him up, so Carrie could hardly say that she was honestly surprised by the news.

So why did she want to object to it so much?

“Wow,” Sue said, sounding more than a little amused. “Is the mighty Chris actually thinking about going steady with someone?”

Please, dear lord, no, was Carrie’s immediate thought, shocking her with the strength of it. Not that she thought Chris would actually settle down there, date Gabriel, work at Gilpatrick’s permanently.

Leave her stranded here with Sue, unable to leave if anything would happen.

Oh, please, lord, no. She reached for her cross without even thinking about it.

“Ha, ha,” Chris said. “Very funny.”

“What, you’re going to leave the poor guy high and dry and go down the bar tonight?”

Chris snorted. “Hardly. I’m not going to do that to a guy I like, let alone be stupid enough to do that to someone who could rat me out to the feds. But it’s not like I’m going to be around long term either, and I’ve made sure he knows that.”

“So you don’t think that he has designs on changing your mind?” Sue asked sweetly. “With his _cooking_ and all.”

Carrie felt like she wanted to cry.

“Carrie, any chance that you can save me from the interrogation?” Chris asked. “What’s your latest project?”

Carrie had to swallow. “Well, given how quickly you wear through clothes, I’ve started working on another jacket for you. Managed to get hold of some nice leather I think’ll work well. I haven’t really worked with it much before, but I think it’s going fine so far.” Please come back to me, she managed not to add.

Chris gave a low whistle. “Let me know when you’ve finished that. Sounds like I’m gonna look pretty hot in that. Think I’ll have to thank you personally.” The leer was back in her voice, and Carrie was reminded again that they hadn’t had sex before Chris had left, Carrie being too embarrassed to even think about doing it in Sue’s home. Carrie might not have anything like the drive of the other two, but she apparently she had gotten used to a fairly regular diet.

With an effort, she forced the feelings down. “Think I might have to let you,” she replied as lightly as she could, a slight snap in her voice.

Chris swallowed audibly over the phone. “Uhuh,” she said, slightly thickly. “Want to tell me about it?”

With a flush, Carrie was far too aware that Sue’s eyes were on her. “Maybe another time?” she asked with a slight squeak.

“Don’t stop on my account,” Sue said, but the moment was gone. Carrie wouldn’t… she couldn’t even think about it with Sue there, certainly not doing the kind of things that she knew Chris would appreciate, and they rang off fairly shortly afterwards.

They didn’t talk about it, but at odd moments in the evening Carrie felt Sue’s eyes on her again, thoughtful, like she’d seen another side to Carrie that she hadn’t expected. Sue had known the details — more from Chris than her, granted — but apparently seeing was different to knowing.

That night in bed, though, Carrie’s thoughts circled around to Chris taking up with Gabriel and she tossed and turned, unable to get to sleep. Why did she feel so strongly about it? Was it jealousy? She’d never had a problem with Chris’ random hookups on their travels, but… Maybe it was because this looked like it was going to be more steady than most. Maybe it was because that it was happening when she wasn’t around, that Chris wouldn’t be returning to her at the end of the night.

Maybe she was really that insecure, regardless of how much she knew that Chris trusted her. Had put her life in Carrie’s hands.

But it didn’t feel quite right, and the puzzle of what was actually bothering kept her up all night, left her crabby and lightheaded the next morning.

It wasn’t until the next afternoon, bent over Chris’ new jacket, suppressing some curses that she’d heard Chris use as she messed up some stitching and had to unpick it, when the answer finally hit her like a kick to the head, and suddenly all she could think about was talking to Chris as soon as possible. She phoned the number Chris had given her and a man’s voice answered.

“Gilpatricks. What can I do for ya?”

“Is Anne there?”

“I’ll go fetch her for you.”

A few moments passed. “What’s wrong?” Chris asked in a quiet urgent voice. “Do I have to come and get you now?”

“Um, nothing serious,” Carrie said. “Sorry. It’s just that I’ve realised why I don’t like you hooking up with Gabriel.”

There was a moment of silence, then Chris snorted. “Listen, honey,” she said in a fake sweet voice. “I’m really not sure you get much of a say in that. That was the agreement after all, wasn’t it.”

Carrie wrinkled her nose. “I said that I didn’t mind you having sex with other people. That doesn’t mean that I can’t have opinions on those you do hook up with.”

“I don’t see why you would,” Chris snapped. “He’s a lot better than most of the guys I’ve slept with, and you never had anything to say about them.”

“If the worst came to the worst, I could have always stepped in. I can’t do that here.”

“He’s a good guy,” Chris said defensively. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

It was Carrie’s turn to snort. “You forget that I’ve seen you around him. He makes you act smaller, less blunt and that’s never suited you. I don’t like seeing you with a guy that makes you feel that way.”

There was another pause. “Oh,” she said. “I… If you talking about what I think you’re talking about, there were misunderstandings, on both sides. We’re better now, don’t worry.”

“You sure?” Carrie asked. “You said you couldn’t step out on him, otherwise he might rat you out. You sure that kind of pressure’s a good thing?”

She wasn’t sure what she could do if it wasn’t, not from here and without a car. But she’d find a way if necessary. She would.

“Thanks, Carrie,” Chris said, an odd emotion in her voice. “But I’m good, honestly. I’ll let you know if that ever changes.”

And, okay, Carrie could live with that, the lump in her stomach no longer present. “Okay. See that you do.”


End file.
